


Come Close

by noalove



Series: Come Close [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mpreg, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-03-10 04:54:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 19,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13495348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noalove/pseuds/noalove
Summary: Flower-boy Shownu stares at Kihyun, a shelter occupant, too intently.





	1. “Who’s that?”

**Author's Note:**

> mind you that this fiction deals with  
> -rape  
> -mental health issues  
> -self depreciation  
> -male pregnancy  
> -alpha omega dynamics  
> -possible feminization  
> -short chapters (because I am hella busy)

.

.

.

"Who is _that_?"

 

Because he couldn't take his eyes off him, since he had set foot into the place, he just _had_ to ask. His eyes had fallen onto the person wearing a black cardigan, his sweater paws holding onto a mug as he sat at the arm chair alone with his knees to his chest, his eyes staring blankly into space and he just had to- Hyunwoo had to know.

 

"Who?" Jooheon looked over his shoulder, guessing immediately, "ah, Kihyun."

 

Of course, Jooheon would know who Hyunwoo meant, the man would drop by almost every single day with the same bouquet of flowers, freshly made in his hands, specifically to the shelter. Hyunwoo was a regular and regulars would notice any unfamiliar faces. 

 

He could place a name to any face that he comes across in the shelter and it bothered how he couldn't name that particularly small figured omega sitting alone. How could he had missed him before? 

 

"Kihyun," he let his lips say it - Kihyun - admiring how it fits perfectly with the boy's face.

 

Jooheon nodded, taking the bouquet from Hyunwoo's hands. 

 

"Yeah, he was transferred in last night from the hospital."

 

Hyunwoo leaned in over the counter, his hand holding his chin,his eyes - they never stray from Kihyun, "what's he in for?"

 

"You know I can't tell you," Jooheon snorted. 

 

Hyunwoo clicked his tongue and laughed, he knew the answer well, "Testing my luck a little." 

 

Its true, the shelter was build like a rehabilitation centre - for young omegas. It was part of the hospital, it liaises with the psychiatric department, and just like that, the occupants' information and personal details are confidential, especially to a mere flower boy like Hyunwoo. It's purpose however, was more like a home, a safe haven for omegas from the potential harm from others and from themselves.

 

"Something bad happened to him isn't it?"

 

And Jooheon shrugged, fixing the bouquet as he placed it into a clear vase, the carnations are of pink and white, the contrast fit perfectly against the mold green colours of the walls. The definition of today's flowers were beauty and innocence. Indeed, the flowers were meant for someone beautiful -

 

"Like most of the others."

 

Hyunwoo nodded to that, his eyes still fixed on the omega seated alone, sometimes taking sips of the drink in the mug and other times, his eyes would temporarily close like he had fallen asleep,but they jolted open to even the tiniest sounds.

 

"If you want to talk to him, I'd suggest you wait," Jooheon had placed the vase next to him and was now placing his hands on his waist, " he... needs to adjust a little."

 

Hyunwoo gave a surprised look, but before he could say anything, Jooheon waved him off ," you're too obvious, man." 


	2. “Kihyun.”

.

.

.

 

"Kihyun."

 

His eyes jolted open, his body jumping a little in the seat at the voice.

 

"You want to put that down first before it drops?" 

 

The nurse had a soothing voice and a smile that lit up the whole room, the dimples he had on both cheeks accentuated every feature on his face;his milky skin matched perfectly with jet black hair. Kihyun tried to remember his name, the nurse who had opened the door to him last night and tucked him into bed. 

 

 

"It's _Joo-honey,_ remember?"

 

He nodded, acknowledging the name - of course, Jooheon, that rang bells but lately, his mind wouldn't co-operate with him. His face heating up from embarrassment of not having remembered someone who just yesterday held him as he cried in his sleep.

 

 

Jooheon was still smiling despite the frown on Kihyun's face. His smile was blinding, _Kihyun could die_ , maybe he could ask him how he learnt to smile like that because he couldn't remember the last time he did. 

 

 

 

"Let me take that," Jooheon reaches out to take the mug in his hands. Their skin brushed against each other and Jooheon was warm, everything about him was. 

 

 

How long has it been since he last took a sip, he thought when he saw the mug in Jooheon's possesion. What was in there by the way? He didn't remember, he couldn't remember and the frustration must've shown on his face again because Jooheon was smiling to him apologetically.   
  


 

"-sorry," he muttered, his tongue darted out to moisten his dry lips, tasting a little blood, "I'm just.. a little tired."

 

 

Placing the mug onto the table in front of him, Jooheon stood up straight again, " It's alright, the meds does that to you, but its just temporary."

 

He didn't know whether to agree that it was anything to do with his prescription at all. He let his head fall back to the arm chair. His eyes wondered around the living area where a the television was on, a pregnant omega was seated in front of it, watching the show as the hosts talk about hotels and recreational activities. There was a pair of omegas playing chest at one corner. Then Kihyun noticed a pretty omega with silvery hair approaching, a huge grin on his face.

 

"Honey!" The omega jumped onto Jooheon's back, clutching his arms around the nurse's neck, "I miss you!"

 

 

"Dear God- _Minhyuk_!" Jooheon nearly screamed at the surprise attack, " you'll hurt yourself!"

 

 

Kihyun watched as the two scuffled a little, the omega named Minhyuk had his legs around Jooheon's waist - though Jooheon was protesting, it was pretty hard to believe that he was annoyed or irritated by how Minhyuk was clinging on to him as he had the biggest grin on his face, his eyes disappearing from it.

 

 

His sleeves were pulled back a little as he straddle the male nurse and Kihyun could see, the scars that lined down Minhyuk's wrists- 

 

 

"Ah, fresh meat."

 

 

Kihyun averted his gaze from Minhyuk's limbs to his face who was now looking directly at him. 

 

 

"This is Kihyun," Jooheon said, fixing his uniform. By this time Minhyuk had climbed off him and was now having his attention to Kihyun who was still, seated on the arm chair, almost sinking into the furniture.   
  


 

"Kihyun, this is Minhyuk-"  
  


 

 

"He is so tiny-"

 

Jooheon rolled his eyes at that statement, mouth agape. Kihyun only managed to stare at Minhyuk, a brow slightly raised. His energy was too drained to be thinking of a snarky comeback so he let it slide, maybe just for today.  
  


 

"Kihyun, I apologise for Minhyuk-," Jooheon pulled the elated boy to the side, noticing the pout on Kihyun's face, " Minhyuk, why don't you try wake Hyungwon? Tell him his flowers are here."

 

 

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Minhyuk whined, "Hyungwon gets flowers everyday, how come you don't give me anything?" 

 

"My love is all you need, sweetheart," Jooheon teased, tapping lightly onto Minhyuk's cheeks, "now, please? Tell Hyungwon its nearly noon."

 

Walking away but still whining, Minhyuk headed towards the rooms, dragging his feet, "you know he won't listen to me." 

 

"Sorry about that -" Jooheon scratched his head, his other hand slotted into his uniform's jacket, "Minhyuggie is-"

 

 

" _Playful_ ," Kihyun said, pulling the sleeves of his sweater, he hugged himself as his toes curl and lay his head onto his knees, "I don't mind it."

 

 

Jooheon smiled at him before walking away, "I'll be over there if you need me." 

 

 

Kihyun was grateful that the nurse didn't push him any further, he really wasn't in the talking mood. He kept at his foetal position, on the arm chair. His eyes wondered back to the small living area - the pregnant omega was still watching television but the chess set was already left empty. His eyes trail the carpet that let to the counter and landed on to the fresh carnations sitting on the counter.

 

How lucky.

 

He closed his eyes, his hands rubbed at his belly unconsciously, that he had to stop himself - _It's not in here anymore, get a grip_.

 

His fists clenched as he tried to restrain himself from such motion. With the murmur of the television, the sound of Minhyuk's voice from a distance, the clutter and shuffling of feet the other occupants made, Kihyun tried to rid his mind of the thought that there was no longer something inside him - _no more_ -

 

And he was the one that got rid of it. 


	3. “Do you think I look okay?”

.

.

.

 

"Do you think I look okay?"  
  


 

Hoseok raised a brow, crossing his arms in front of him.   
  
  


 

"This is odd behaviour too early in the morning."   
  
  


 

Hyunwoo dropped his chin and huffed," thanks."   
  
  


 

It was the fifth day since his first saw Kihyun and it was a getting a little frustrating only being able to watch him from over the counter every morning as he sends the flowers to the shelter. The omega didn't even notice him, he always appeared to be caught up in his own mind and that frown on his face - Hyunwoo wanted to at least see a tug at the corner of his lips, forming a smile.  
  


 

Kihyun would look even prettier with a smile.   
  
  


 

"Okay, who is jt?" Hoseok questioned, placing the pair of scissors he used to cut the stems of the roses onto the table. He knew Hyunwoo for years and Hyunwoo had never asked him how he looked unless there was someone he wanted to impress, and _that_ only happens once every blue moon.   
  


 

 

"Huh?" Hyunwoo played fool, putting on a cap with the words - _Wonho's Flowers_ \- on the front.  
  


 

 

Hoseok swore he rolled his eyes so hard it could permanently stay that way, " Don't give me _that_. I know you!"  
  
  


 

"Sorry, I'm late!"  
  


 

The bell to the front door rang as it opened, a young alpha entered with a grin in his face wearing a denim jacket underneath a black coat and matching skinnies. He took off his coat and immediately reached for the apron that hang over the rack, completely oblivious of the look of suspicion Hoseok was giving Hyunwo and how Hyunwoo was scratching the back of his neck nervously trying to ignore it. He only noticed the unfamiliar quiet that filled the shop after he walked behind the register.  
  


 

 

The remaining chimes of the bell were too prominent.   
  
  


 

"Did I miss anything?" Changkyun asked, seeing how Hoseok still had a smirk on his face with one knowing brow raised while Hyunwoo- well, he was just moving around fixing the flowers randomly.  
  


 

 

"Are the flowers ready?" Hyunwoo said, completely ignoring his young colleague.  
  


 

Hoseok laughed, loving the way Hyunwoo's cheeks were tinted red. Maybe he should spare him the embarrassment for today.  He handed the older alpha a bouquet of Calla Lillies - wrapped in cotton pink wrapper. As he made them every morning, he imagined the one receiving the flowers was sitting in front of him, smiling.

 

 

"tell Hyungwon that- "  
  


 

"You love him, I know, " Hyunwoo took the flowers, "he barely comes out of his room in the morning, it's a miracle if I see him today."   
  


 

 

The smile faltered on Hoseok's face, his brows furrowed. His head fell as he nodded. Hyunwoo followed Hoseok's eyes to the silver ring on his finger. The ring had a pair and it was kept in one of the drawers in Hoseok's room.   
  


 

 

"Hey," Hyunwoo gave Hoseok an assuring pat to the shoulders , "he knows it."   
  


 

The other nodded, his voice a little weary, feigning assurance,  " yeah."  

 

Hyunwoo didn't say anything further, he knew better than to push the other alpha when it comes to Hyungwon. So, he waved the two off, telling Changkyun to behave and not make a mess, reminding him not to be late for his class as well. As he took a step out onto the cold, he hoped today he could see Kihyun and maybe, Kihyun would notice him too.


	4. "You neet! Wake up!"

.  
.  
.

"You neet! Wake up!" 

 

 

Kihyun actually wanted to laugh at that, but laughing took too much of energy so he only settled with a smirk. It was the first time ever he heard someone used that term - a _neet_.  


 

 

He had been watching the usual routine now, Minhyuk with all his might trying to wake Hyunwon up. At first he watched from afar, their room door was open and Kihyun couldn't resist peeking from all the commotion.

 

 

Jooheon said it was normal.   


 

 

With all the screaming and pulling you would expect Hyungwon to at least open his eyes, but no, the lanky omega rolled over instead, seemingly to be in deep slumber still. 

 

 

"So you're just gonna stand there and not help me?" Minhyuk said sassily, hands on his waist.

 

 

Kihyun shrugged, "It's fun watching you struggle." 

 

 

Minhyuk laughed dryly, shaking his head in disbelief - a week in and they hadn't said anything nice to each other. Jooheon wishes the impossible, he thought.

 

 

Kihyun stepped into the shared room belonging to Minhyuk and Hyungwon. Relatively, it looked normal, with posters on the wall and clothes littering the room. Minhyuk was sitting on Hyunwon's bed, his legs crossed over each other and he raised a brow watching Kihyun scan the room. 

 

 

"I'm only doing this because I'm tired of hearing your voice from outside," he said picking up a pillow.

 

 

Minhyuk got up from the bed, ushering the shorter boy to use what was in his hands, "be my guest."

 

 

"Hyungwon," Kihyun called out initially, when there wasn't a response, he raised the pillow and repeatedly hit Hyungwon's shoulder with it, " _wake up._ "   


 

Minhyuk was giggling, he couldn't help it - it was funny to see such a tiny omega holding up a pillow half his size and using it like a cane. The sound echoing in the room. Hyungwon didn't move so Kihyun kept at it.  


 

"Chae Hyungwon!"  


 

 

"Alright!" Finally a voice came, groggy, "I'm up! Fuck-"

 

 

“I should hire you as Hyungwon’s personal alarm, “ Mihyuk's grin widened at the success, "It’s about time, loser. Hurry up before Jooheon drags a pale of  water in here."   


 

 

"Today's flowers are lillies," Kihyun stated as Hyungwon lifted his body to sitting position, rubbing his eyes.   


 

 

" _So_?"  


 

 

Kihyun winced, his hand went to his belly, "Don't you want to thank the person that sents you them?"

 

 

"Why would I? He sent me here," Hyungwon deadpanned, holding his head up with his hand. His eyes were hooded, dark circles appeared deep underneath them. Kihyun wondered why a such a pretty person who slept so much still had exhausted look on his face?

 

 

Its a pity, Hyungwon is as pretty as the flowers he receives and declined everyday.   


 

 

Kihyun's fists clenched, "you should be grateful he still cares for you."    
  


 

The tall omega scoffed, pulling himself out of bed and towered over Kihyun at such great lengths, his brown eyes were dull and as he looked down upon Kihyun, the boy wondered if he himself looked like that - completely _empty_. 

 

 

"If he cares," there was a short smile, the corner of his lips twitching before the stoic expression returned to Hyungwon's face , "if he cares - he should've just let me sleep forever."


	5. “You’re so whipped.”

“You’re so whipped.”

 

  
Jooheon was laughing at him.

 

  
He knows he had been staring ever since he got here. He knows that he was beginning to look like a creeper but honestly, he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. By now, he found out Kihyun must love wearing oversized sweaters and, maybe, kihyun has at least three of them, black, gray and white.

 

 

Today, Kihyun was wearing white, it was perfect against his skin, it hang loosely over his thin shoulders, his collar bones exposed. Kihyun’s hair was ash coloured, rarely an omega has that colour but it suited him best on all omegas Hyunwoo had seen, call him biased.

 

 

 

“Tell me again why is he like that?” Minhyuk asked, leaning against his most favourite nurse. 

 

 

 

“It’s Kihyun,” Jooheon said, plucking a grape then feeding it to Minhyuk, “ the man fell in love at first sight.”

 

 

 

“It’s not love,” Hyunwoo quickly retorted, his ears burning, “it’s-“

 

 

 

“A _crush_ ,” Minhyuk stated, chewing a mouth full of grapes. 

 

 

 

“He’s... so pretty, “ Hyunwoo melted against the counter top, his heart eyes were so focused on the omega scribbling something in his notepad that he didn’t notice the devilish glint in Minhyuk’s eyes.

 

 

 

“Hey, Kihyunnie!”

 

 

 

Hyunwoo’s eyes widened at Minhyuk’s voice and Kihyun looked up from his writings.

 

 

Help him, Kihyun was looking his way!

 

 

“Come here for a moment!”

 

  
And Hyunwoo wanted to hide from the world, his face turning bright red at the sight of Kihyun looking over to where he was and the thought of Minhyuk exposing how much of a stalker he was being. He hid behind his cap, he wanted Kihyun to notice him but when Kihyun looked his way - it became too overwhelming for him, realising maybe he wasn’t ready.

 

 

 

“No,” Kihyun responded, rolling his eyes, “not falling for that again.”

 

 

 

Minhyuk pouted, “boo. I’ve got grapes!”

 

 

“No.”

 

  
Kihyun didn’t budge from his seat and his hands began to move again, with that Hyunwoo let out a sigh of relief, all of his joints feeling a little weak so he let his whole torso onto the counter earning giggles from Jooheon and Minhyuk.

 

 

  
“Please, Minhyuk, let the man live, “Jooheon said, patting the blonde’s head, they could almost hear Minhyuk purr, “besides, I don’t think Kihyun is ready for alphas yet.”

 

 

  
“But Hyunwoo’s the softest most gentle alpha in the world!”

 

 

  
“Okay, I’m gone,” Hyunwoo said, standing up and the other two erupted into a laughter.

 

 

 

He stood up, zipping his jacket close to his neck and pushed his hair back, putting on his cap again. The flowers he brought over was already in a vase and they sat on the table behind the counter.

 

 

 

As he looked over the fresh roses today, he noticed Kihyun looking his way and their eyes met.

 

 

  
Out of reflex, Hyunwoo lifted his hand up - _hi_. He attempted to smile, but before Kihyun could see the curve of his lips, the omega had looked away first and Hyunwoo didn’t blame him for doing so, they weren’t acquainted yet anyway.

 

 

He wouldn’t deny that tiny regret upon having chicken out when Minhyuk - despite it was just Minhyuk being mischiveous - was trying to help him. 

 

 

Other than that he felt a  little deflated having his wave ignored, his hand lingered in the air for a moment dropping by his side. 

 

 

  
So Hyunwoo said goodbye to Jooheon and Minhyuk, but before he left the building he took one last glance at Kihyun who was at the same spot. Hoping, maybe - just maybe, he could meet Kihyun’s pretty brown eyes again. 

 

 

  
Yet, the omega had his head kept down still.


	6. Get it out!

 

Get it out!

 

.

  
Pull out, please!

 

.

 

  
Get it out of me!

 

.

 

Please!

.

.

.

 

 

“Kihyun.”

 

 

“Get it out! Get it out!”

 

 

“Hey, hey, it’s _me_.”

 

 

“ _Please_ , get it out of me!”

 

 

“Minhyuk, is everything alright?”

 

 

The voices were becoming clear. His eyes were open the whole time but it was only then  his vision was becoming more defined. The room was still dark and the only light was coming from the opened door where he could see Jooheon standing there, not in his uniform but a white t-shirt and a pair of shorts - his usual side swept hair was a mess, falling into his forehead.

 

 

“Kihyun, are you back?”

 

 

The voice was gentle, accompanied by the soothing rubs on his back. Kihyun held tight to the body that was against him, eyes wild as he scanned the room for any signs of _that_ person - but other than Jooheon at the door, a few of the other occupants’ heads poking to see what was going on, Hyungwon was in his room too -

 

 

“Hey, It’s me.”

 

 

Kihyun knows that, the scent was of Minhyuk - fresh and breezy, he hates it but it was familiar. He had his ear pressed onto Minhyuk’s chest and the other omega was holding him there with one hand. The ringing in his ears disappeared and he began to hear the consistent thudding of Minhyuk’s heart steadily pulling him back to conciousness. 

 

 

  
”Alright, to back to bed everyone, shows over,” he heard Hyungwon say to the other omegas that were peeking in and Jooheon helped him, ushering the others into their rooms.

 

 

 

“You were pretty loud,” Minhyuk tried to lightened the mood, placing his chin on top of Kihyun’s head, “Hyungwon woke up.”

 

 

Kihyun sniffed, new tears roll down his cheek and Minhyuk didn’t say anything more. He pulled the boy close and rocked their bodies from side to side lightly and he began to sing softly, it sounded like a lullaby.

 

 

Minhyuk should sing more often.

 

 

  
“I’ll leave it to you,” he heard Jooheon whispered in Minhyuk’s ears before leaving the room. The nurse flicked his nose before leaving, “just call me, if it gets worst.”

 

 

“I know,” Minhyuk replied sending a wink Jooheon’s way.

 

 

  
The nurse had left the door open and it was a surprise that Hyungwon came back after leaving the room momentarily, with a mug of probably tea, from the scent. He climbed onto the bed and sat next to the two omegas holding holding each other.

 

  
“Your throat must hurt,” he said, handing Kihyun the warm drink, “ _here_.”

 

He didn’t realise he was clawing at his abdomen - _get it out_ \- until Hyungwon held his wrists and ushered him to drink. He did a little - the warmth burnt in a good way against his sore throat - his whole body ached and fatigue had overcome him, he just wanted to sleep now. So Minhyuk leaned back into the pillow, his arms not budging around Kihyun.

 

 

“I’m fine now,” he said, voice coarse. How did he lose his voice again? He couldn’t remember, everything was a blur now and his mind was too tired to think of anything.

 

 

  
“I’m not letting you go until you stop shaking,” Minhyuk said, squeezing him a little, “now, sleep.”

 

 

  
Kihyn scoffed, closing his eyes, “I hate you guys.”

 

  
And Hyungwon held his wrists again, holding his hands back before they reached his belly, a tired smile on his face, his round eyes hidden behind his bangs.

 

 

 

“We hate you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all yer kudos and comments
> 
> Xxx


	7. “Is there something on my face?”

.

.

.

 

”Is there something on my face?”

 

 

Hyunwoo was caught off guard. He really didn’t expect that when he opened the door to the shelter that morning, he was greeted by the omega he had been staring for weeks on from afar instead of either the usual staf or Jooheon or occasionally, Minhyuk.

 

 

At first, Kihyun didn’t notice him, the boy was reading a book at the counter, head low in a beanie and a pair of glasses. Hyunwoo stood frozen by the door with a bouquet of flowers in his hands contemplating whether he should go in with a normal _hello_ , acknowledging the pretty person or play it cool and ask for Jooheon.

 

 

 

He stood thinking for too long, _maybe_ , probably, he had been staring at Kihyun for _that_ long because damn, he looked better up close and his forehead is just- _perfect_ \- that his intense stare was felt by the said man.

 

 

  
“Ah,” shit,he must’ve looked like an idiot, “ _hello_.”

 

 

  
That was smooth.

 

 

Sweat trickled down the sides of his face.

 

 

  
Kihyun furrowed his brows and bowed his head a little, “hello.” The hello was strained and obviously, he was trying to be polite. Hyunwoo thinks it’s because he’d be weirded out too by the way the alpha was acting.

 

 

“Are those today’s flowers?” Kihyun perked up at the sight of the bright yellow petals, his head tilted a little and gosh, he’s so cute, Hyunwoo thought more.

 

 

He was monologued a lot lately.

 

 

“Y-yeah,” Hyunwoo inched closer to place the flowers on the counter and he saw the way Kihyun got off the stool to back up a little. His pheromones must’ve intimidate the younger omega, so it was true when Jooheon said Kihyun needed time with alphas.

 

 

“Hyungwon’s really lucky,” Kihyun whispered, the book he was reading was now cradled in his chest, “the flowers are really pretty, I anticipate what they are everyday.”

 

 

 

Hyunwoo scratched the back of his head, trying not to look (so much) at Kihyun, “they are aren’t they.”

 

 

 

“You send them everyday,” the younger sighed, “but that asshole barely comes out to see you.”

 

 

 

“Huh?” Hyunwoo raised a brow.

 

 

 

 _Wait_ , no.

 

 

“I mean, you come here everyday and waited for him right? At least? You keep looking inside, you must love him.”

 

 

  
_Hold up._

 

 

There was a sudden burst of laughter coming from behind Kihyun, and Minhyuk was rolling on the floor laughing. Hyunwoo could almost see tears of joy coming from the blonde’s eyes and he swore, he’ll slow talk Jooheon to probably allow him to give Minhyuk a smack in the head later.

 

 

 

 

“I’m sorry- ,” Minhyuk managed out, crawling away, still trying to control his giggles, “I’ll leave- Ill leave.”

 

 

 

Seeing how perplexed Kihyun looked, Hyunwoo started to explain himself, that is- after Minhyuk had gone away and the laughter was sounding pretty far, “no, I’m just the flower boy. The messenger. My friend, he owns this shop,” he pointed at his cap, “and he’s-Hyungwon’s husband.”

 

 

 

Kihyun’s eyes widened, his face turning red, “ah, I’m sorry!”

 

 

 

“No-no it’s alright,” Hyunwoo chuckled, loving the shade Kihyun’s cheeks were turning, “I’m Hyunwoo. The flower boy from Wonho’s flowers.”

 

 

 

Kihyun didn’t take the hand Hyunwoo extended. He held the book close to his chest and Hyunwoo could almost hear him having an internal conflict with himself whether he should receive the handshake or not.

 

 

  
“ _Sorry_ ,” awkwardly Hyunwoo pulled his hand back, it immediately reached behind his neck. He felt like such an idiot - he should’ve known-

 

 

“No- no, “ Kihyun shook his head, “It’s me- I’m- It’s just-“

 

  
“You don’t have to explain yourself. I understand.”

 

 

And maybe for the first time since they started talking, Kihyun was finally looking directly at him. Being taller than the boy has it’s perks as Kihyun’s looked innocent looking up with his doe eyes, gratefully thanking him for understanding the situation. If Kihyun was going to tell him what happened to him, it was going to be under his terms, when he is ready.

 

He wasn’t going to let Kihyun be pressured whenever he was around, unless it’s unintentional - like really, he’s an alpha and letting out alpha hormones was beyond his control. 

 

 

 

“I’m Kihyun,” the younger said, smiling a little but it faded too quickly Hyunwoo wished he had a camera to capture it.

 

 

  
He knows that name and who it belonged to, he had known for a while and finally, he can acknowledge the fact that he and Kihyun were now - well, far from friends but at least they are acquainted.

 

 

  
Because yay, he internally cheered, at least now, they are _finally_ starting somewhere.

 


	8. “Godammit, Lee Jooheon!”

.

.

.

 

” _Godammit_ , Lee Jooheon!”

 

 

Today, they served scones for tea and Kihyun was enjoying a piece with Maya, an almost term pregnant omega with an eating disorder whose room was next to his. Hyungwon was there at the rounded table as well and he forced Kihyun to smother thick layers of jam onto the scone he wanted. He protested, complaining but did it according to how Hyungwon wanted anyway because - who could say no to Hyungwon’s pouty face.

 

 

“Just give me the _damn_ razor!”

 

 

An argument had broke out between Minhyuk and Jooheon that had turned heads and Kihyun couldn’t help but leave his tea cold to check on what was happening. It wasn’t him being nosy but rather because Minhyuk barely uses that tone, especially when it comes to the nurse he was ever so clingy with.

 

 

“I will only give it to you if you agree to have either me or Min Soo watch you shave.”

 

 

Minhyuk let out an irritated laugh, glaring at Jooheon who crossed his arms in front of him, feet down.

 

 

“Would you like it? Having someone stare at you as you shave?”

 

 

 

Jooheon’s voice tightened, “you know very well why I can’t give it to you.”

 

 

 

Kihyun could see the way Minhyuk seethed, his ears were red and he swore, if the other omega bit his lips harder, it would bleed. So he stepped in despite Hyungwon said to leave them alone, and tug on Minhyuk’s sleeve.

 

 

 

“Minhyuk, lets stop this,” he whispered softly.

 

 

 

“Fuck off,” Minhyuk snatched his arm away, glaring at Kihyun who nearly tripped as he was caught off guard by the response. Minhyuk went to the table where today’s flowers were in a vase and -

 

 

 

“Minhyuk, dont-“

 

 

 

A loud crash was heard as Minhyuk threw the glass vase to the ground, sharp edges of the broken pieces scattered on the floor. Kihyun could hear a scream from Maya. 

 

 

  
“You give it to me now!”

 

 

  
Then they were books flying, some were thrown at the nurse, some made the pictures hanged on the wall fall with another loud crash and Kihyun couldn’t comprehend - where did the sunshine Minhyuk went to? Who was this person that was so- so _angry_?

 

 

“Get the halo, quick,” Jooheon ordered the other nurse as orderlies entered the room and began to charge at Minhyuk, pinning him down with just one tackle, “ Don’t - don’t hurt him!”

 

 

“Minhyuk-“ Hyungwon had grabbed Kihyun by his arm, this time with more strength, telling him not to intervene.

 

 

 

“Get off me!”

 

 

 

The orderlies had a strong alpha scent they were never allowed in the shelter unless indicated. As they held Minhyuk down, his sleeves were pulled back and Kihyun could see those scars that lined down the pale upper limb up to the elbow. Minhyuk did his best to hide them and Kihyun only managed to catch a few glimpses of them while he was in the shelter. Now they were completely exposed infront of him, Kihyun wanted to cry at the thought of Minhyuk carving them onto himself.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Jooheon said as he exposed the left cheek of Minhyuk’s buttock, a needle in hand. The fight Minhyuk was putting against the ordelies were futile, “I’m so sorry.”

 

 

  
Minhyuk cried when the needle breeched his skin, but it only took a few seconds later - maybe fifteen, Kihyun’s heart was beating fast and the clock that ticked were in his ears - and Minhyuk’s muscles went lax, his mouth let out a sigh.

 

 

“ _Jooheonie_ ,” Minhyuk cried, as he blinked, sedated, tears began to roll down from the corner of his eyes.

 

 

  
“I’m here, sweetheart,” Jooheon said, kneeling down to where they were holding Minhyuk, “you guys can let go of him now. I can bring him to bed.”

 

 

 

And the ordelies did as they were told, gently lying Minhyuk down onto the nearest sofa. He immediately curled up onto Jooheon’s side, hiding his face in the nurse’s neck. Jooheon held his hand and Kihyun saw how he kissed the scars that tainted Minhyuk’s skin before covering them with the pulled sleeve.

 

 

 

“Last year, Jooheon made a mistake of letting a junior nurse attend Minhyuk while he took a bath,” Hyungwon said to Kihyun, leaning his body to the wall. As the words leave his mouth - as usual - he still had that stoic look on his face, like he was not interested at all.

 

 

 

“I guess the nurse didn’t read up on Minhyuk’s case - and left Minhyuk alone in the bath with a shaver, like he requested.”

 

 

 

  
Kihyun gulped, still watching how intimate Jooheon and Minhyuk was being - Jooheon carresing Minhyuk’s cheek with his thumbs as he uttered words only the two of them could hear. Kihyun wondered whether it was allowed and whether, the boundaries had already been crossed.

 

 

“When Jooheon found him - well, there was just so much blood.”

 

  
It was hard to believe, what Hyungwon told him because Minhyuk was always smiling around him. And though he found it rather annoying how sometimes Minhyuk is too playful, his smile could brighten a room any day and Kihyun thinks that it brings light to this dull depressing place.

 

 

But remembering how Minhyuk was with him moments ago before his tantrum - _fuck off_ \- Kihyun was reminded that Minhyuk was one of them, one of the occupants of the shelter.

 

 

  
And though it wasn’t a psychiatric ward the shelter was, Kihyun was reminded again, that they came from there.


	9. “Who are those flowers for?”

“Who are those flowers for?” 

 

 

Hyunwoo nearly dropped the pair of scissors he was holding. He must’ve been concentrating hard considering he didn’t hear the usual chimes of the bells that would ring every time the main door was opened.

 

 

Then again, it was pretty early, even Hoseok was still upstairs taking a morning shower after their usual jog.

 

 

Maybe he didnt expect anyone to come in at that moment. 

 

 

“Changkyun!” He rubbed his chest with his free hand where he could feel the fast beating of his heart steadying to its usual rhythm, “you’re early.”

 

 

  
The younger alpha dropped his bag onto a free chair, shrugging off his coat and a scarf wrapped neatly around his neck. Changkyun looked particularly youthful today, maybe it was that red checkered shirt he had on.

 

 

 

“Yeah, I had archery practice and thought maybe I should just head here- ,” Changkyun shook his hair into place, the black strands fell neatly, side parted on his forehead. He pointed to the roses Hyunwoo was arranging, his fingers poking out from the oversized shirt, “I doubt those are for Hyungwon.”

 

 

“Of course they aren’t,” Hyunwoo snickered, cutting the third stem of a pink rose then placing it neatly in between the other two before proceeding to wrap them with an pastel yellow crepe paper, “Kihyun said he liked the roses most.”

 

 

  
And maybe not just roses, he loves books too ,and tea, _warm_ tea. Kihyun’s scent was sweet, like apples and peaches, like the tiniest smile he rarely show. Hyunwoo also found out Kihyun had a habit of pushing his hair behind his ears as he talked and when he is listening intently, he’d periodically scrunched up his nose, his mouth pouting. 

 

 

 

Kihyun also seemed to always have his fingers rubbing (or scratching?) his belly, and his hands would tremble everytime Hyungwon pull it away. Hyunwoo wondered if he was doing it unintentionally. 

 

 

 _Damn_. 

 

 

He shouldn’t be staring to much. It didn’t help that Kihyun would be sitting across him everytime they talked.

 

 

 

Putting on the working apron he usually wore, Changkyun raised a knowing brow, “ _Kihyun_? He has a name now? The one you wouldn’t tell us about - _Kihyun_?”

 

 

 

”Cheeky,” Hyunwoo grinned hitting Changkyun’s head with a rolled up crepe paper, “ there really isn’t anything going on. We talked and -“

 

 

“You _like_ him.”

 

 

 

Hyunwoo shrugged, but seeing how Changkyun smiled wider than he did before, Hyunwoo knew his reddened ears had given him away.

 

 

 _Damn_ physiology.

 

 

 

“There’s a ‘ _but_ ’, right?” Changkyun was now leaned over the shop’s main counter, where the cashier was and where he would charm the customers that visited Hoseok’s small nursery with his dazzling prince like looks and deep voice.

 

 

“Why you wouldn’t tell us about him? Hyung, you’re closer to me than my own family.”

 

 

  
“That’s because your family lives abroad, idiot.”

 

 

Changkyun was far from that, Hyunwoo had to admit- being an _idiot._ Thatrascal was smart and he’d figure out anything Hyunwoo tried to riddle him into before he could because, well, compared to Changkyun, Hyunwoo was transparent and simple. For example, he doesnt usually does bouquets, those are Hoseok’s speaciality, but today, he was using Hoseok’s favourite scissors, holding pastel crepe papers he would tear once he touches them, holding - godammit- roses-

 

  
Hoseok had appeared before Hyunwoo had said anything smelling fresh like citrus, noticing the conversation hanging in the air and the too obvious small bouquet of roses in Hyunwoo’s hands that was (in his mind) hideously arranged, giving credits to the alpha for actually trying.

 

 

  
“They talked and Kihyun likes roses,” Changkyun said before Hyunwoo could utter anything,earning a smack from the older alpha, “I saved you an explanation, _hyung_.”

 

 

  
Hoseok was laughing, he was on the ground because its not everyday Hyunwoo arranged flowers. Heavy lifting, walking a distance for a delivery - those were usually the jobs Hyunwoo would be doing - rather funny to see their older flustered with those roses.

 

 

“Im going, then,” Hyunwoo sulked putting everything on and grabbing his bag with the bouquet stuffed in,” _good bye_.”

 

 

One minute walking out into the cold, he had to make a turn back into the shop because heck, he forgot the bouquet meant for Hyungwon. And of course when he returned to the shop he was greeted by strings of laughter from his coworkers slash friends. 

 

 

  
He could only scratch his head as his cheeks turned pink listening to Hoseok and Changkyun teasing him, wondering what Jooheon said was _right_ \- he definitely was whipped for Kihyun.

 


	10. “You can’t just lie there all day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, I’d like to apologise on how these chapters are long overdue considering how short they are. I trully am, and it’s because my shifts had been crazy, and it will be even crazier since there will be less manpower in tbe department a few weeks on until fresh meat comes lol so i hope you’d bear with me. 
> 
>  
> 
> Second thank you for your comments and kudos. I love them so much
> 
>  
> 
> Lastly, i made twitter, so if you have further enquiries about the story or if you need someone to chat with (cos i sure do, aint got monbebe around me physically), kindly add me there yeah?   
> @outoftheblueyou

“You can’t just lie there all day.”

 

 

Kihyun sighed, he couldn’t get up from bed this morning.

 

 

His body felt undeniably heavy and his heart - it felt a little empty, much emptier than he did before. He contemplated on getting up, probably breakfast would be there but then he didn’t feel anything, not even the tiniest bit hungry.

 

 

He didn’t want to get up. So he didn’t, he let his eyes open for a few seconds before closing them again, briefly falling into slumber but never really reached a point of deep sleep. He knew because he kept hearing his door being opened from time to time, it was probably Jooheon or some other nurse doing their regular checks.

 

 

“Pretty hypocritical for you to say that, eh?”

 

 

  
He heard Hyungwon let out a dry scoff, “ _True_.”

 

 

  
The taller omega walked in the room, closing the door behind him and sat at the edge of the bed. There was another empty bed across of his and Kihyun stared at it, wondering if he was ever going to get a roommate- he really wished he won’t, ever. He can’t deal with a lot of people - he just, didn’t want to. 

 

 

There was a single glare of light coming from the window, where the curtain was slightly open, in a slit.

 

 

Enough brightness for the room.

 

 

“I got used to you hitting me awake that when you didn’t, I woke up by my own.”

 

 

  
He laid still, curling up his toes.

 

 

_Kihyunnie, you’re beautiful for me._

 

 

He shook his eyes head, trying to rid the remnants of that nightmare he had. It was a surprise he dint wake up screaming. Probably he did, that was why he was tired that morning, but then, he couldn’t remember at all.

 

 

“Minhyuk will probably have to stay at the hospital for a couple more weeks,” Hyungwon continued, his fingers played absent mindedly with each other, “it’s okay to admit you’re a bit lonely.”

 

 

 

“Never,” Kihyun snapped a little bit too fast that Hyungwon snorted.

 

 

His hands reached for his belly, an image of Minhyuk being tranquillised was fresh in his mind, the scars that line Minhyuk’s arm - which one was the deepest and which one was the most fresh? Minhyuk’s voice when he snapped at him - _fuck off_ \- had Minhyuk always thought of him that way? Their comments towards each other, they were friendly banters- _right_?

 

 

  
_Kihyunnie, you love me, don’t you?_

 

 

“Stop it.”

 

 

Hyungwon held his wrists like he usually does, giving them a little grip when he resisted. Thats just it with the other omega, he didnt question further but he was always there to refrain Kihyun from trying to dig out what was no longer embedded in him.

 

 

_Get it out!_

 

 

His fingers -no, his stomach, it wasn’t the skin that irritated him, but rather, a _feeling_ , a feeling he couldn’t explain and he had to constantly remind himself that there was nothing inside of him for him to claw out- nothing-

 

 

Not anymore.

 

 

 

_Kihyun what have you done?_

 

 

 

“Do you have children, Hyungwon?”

 

 

Hyungwon tilted his head, his expression remained still, “ what makes you think I do?”

 

 

 

Kihyn sat up from the bed, Hyungwon’s long fingers were still holding his wrists and he couldnt help but admire how long and pretty they were. Everything about Hyungwon was pretty, was his husband pretty as well? His eyes went straight to Hyungwon’s ring finger where a clear demarcation of what used to be a ring that once occupied that particular digit. 

 

 

“I was just - wondering-“

 

 

  
“I _had_ ,” Hyungwon said and Kihyun looked up, not expecting him to answer at all and was not surprised to see such a forbearing expression, “well, not anymore, technically- it was still inside me with when, you know.”

 

 

  
“Sorry-“

 

 

  
Hyungwon let go of his wrists, seeing how he didn’t resist, “Don’t say that. Its not you who ran me over with a car.”

 

 

 

  
He wanted to say it again- sorry- but Hyungwon had placed a finger on his lips, quieting from speaking out what was in his mind.

 

 

“Don’t feel sorry for me, I did horrible things to the one I love after.”

 

 

“You were- you’re still _hurting_ -“

 

 

“I dragged everyone down with me. They don’t deserve that.”

 

 

  
Kihyun just nodded wanting to say more then decided against it and Hyungwon held his wrists again. He should really stop hanging around the taller omega but then, it was good that Hyungwon was around. What would actually happen if be kept clawing at his abdomen constantly? Will it finally ease the uneasiness that dwell in his- where?

 

 

  
_Get it out of me!_

 

 

  
“Oh,” Hyungwon had stood up leaving the room abruptly before returning not long after with a small bouquet of roses. They weren’t extravagant like the ones Hyungwon received and Kihyun could tell the one that arranged them wasn’t a professional by the simplicity of it. However, it accentuated the beauty of just.. _roses_.

 

 

  
“Flower boy Shownu said this is for you.”

 

 

  
Kihyun took the flowers in his hands, immediately bringing them to his nose and loving how strong the scent was, “Shownu?”

 

 

  
“Hyunwoo,” Hyunwon slotted his hands into his loose pants, “fucking idiot thought it’d be cool nickname.”

 

 

Bringing the pink flowers to his nose, he took another inhale of the scent - roses were definitely his favourite, it’s scent was calming. There was a tinge of a masculine alpha scent but not strong enough to cause alarm, they must’ve lingered when Hyunwoo was toying or arranging them.

 

  
“Ill bring you lunch,” Hyungwon said, seeing how Kihyun wasn’t paying much attention to him anymore, leaving the room.

 

 

  
And Kihyun laid back down on the bed, the roses close to his nose.

 

 

He never received flowers before.


	11. “It’s a bit weird, seeing you outside.”

“It’s a bit weird, seeing you outside.”

 

 

Today, he didn’t see Kihyun inside.

 

 

He poke his head in as usual but the omega was nowhere to be seen. At one point it scared him that maybe, Kihyun was freaked out by the flowers that he was ignoring him and hiding from him. So he handed today’s bouquet to the nurse at the counter - Min soo - putting on his cap and leaving.

 

 

His mind panicking at the fact - he should’ve listened when Jooheon said Kihyun needed time with alphas.

 

 

Then he spotted Jooheon in the garden, looking a little solemn despite the sun giving him the glow his skin deserves. He was talking to an occupant as they knitted woolen cloth on the green grass of the compound’s small garden.

 

 

 

His eyes scanned the amount of people that chose to bask in today’s weather and found the one he was looking for immediately. 

 

 

Kihyun was sitting alone on the bench, underneath a tree and Hyunwoo lost the will to go anywhere else, so he started walking towards the omega.

 

 

 

“Jooheon said we needed a little ray of sunshine,” Kihyun said, eyes were hooded - had he slept well last night?

 

 

  
“I think he needed it the most.”

 

 

Kihyun had pulled his knees to his chest, he had stripped socks on, and a really large sweater that didn’t look like it belonged to him. The closer he looked, Hyunwoo noticed how they were Hyungwon’s, that was why it was so familiar and the omega looked like he was swimming in them.

 

 

 

“Minhyuk isn’t back yet eh?”

 

 

  
Kihyun shook his head, “he should return quickly.”

 

 

  
“Why?” Hyunwoo snorted, placing his hands in his pockets, it was chilly out, but the sun had warmed it a little,” you miss him that bad?”

 

 

“Fuck no,” Kihyun snapped, his head perked a little before he laid them back onto his knees, “I’m tired of sulky Jooheon.”

 

 

Hyunwoo had to laugh a little at that, Kihyun looked uttery adorable with his cheeks puffed and slightly tinted pink. The alpha wanted to kiss that little pout he had on, and his hands, he had to hold them back from carressing the top of Kihyun’s head.

 

 

  
For a while they stayed silent, Hyunwoo admiring Kihyun’s cheekbones and the shadows that the sunlight casted on them while the birds chirp and other omegas out in the garden with their nurses enjoying that morning air. There were carnaries and tulips in bloom, decorating the green of the grass with their magical natural contrasts -

 

 

“The flowers aren’t as pretty as the ones you gave me,” Kihyun whispered a little, Hyunwoo wasn’t sure he was meant to hear it, “thank you.”

 

 

  
The older had to look away, because Kihyun was looking at him, with his knees to his chest and his head resting on them, his hair falling to the side and it shined underneath the light - were his eyes that brown before? Kihyun looked etheral and it was probably the first time Hyunwoo had caught him under natural light, thinking, all the fluorescent in the world could never suffice or do justice to Kihyun’s beauty the way the sun did. 

 

 

He wanted to ask Kihyun for a date. That was all he could think of at that moment where Kihyun would be just for him for even the slightest moment.

 

 

  
And then he saw Kihyun’s wrist where he had a bracelet with his name on it and it reminded Hyunwoo that they can’t, well, he can’t.

 

 

  
“I just- I saw the roses that morning and thought you’d like it,” lies. Ever since he found out Kihyun liked roses he had been waiting for the perfect ones to bloom just so he could give them, “I’m glad you like it.”

  

 

“You remembered.”

 

 

Hyunwoo nodded, kicking the air with his foot, “of course.”

 

 

Ah, he couldn’t look at Kihyun now, his cheeks turned extremely warm and Kihyun was definitely burning a hole through his head.

 

 

“Why won’t you sit down?”

 

 

Kihyun was scooting over, to the other end of the bench leaving an empty space that were too wide apart but Hyunwoo didn’t complain about distance despite preferring to be a little closer to the omega. He wasn’t going to push Kihyun into something the younger wasn’t comfortable with, Jooheon reminded him repeatedly how he needed to be patient with Kihyun.

 

 

He said down, a large smile on his face he couldn’t erase, and they continued their pleasant conversation until his phone rang - being Hoseok who was wondering where he was and why he hadn’t return to work.

 

  
Hyunwoo had a lot of explaining to do, but he really didn’t care.


	12. “He’s kicking!”

“He’s kicking!”

 

 

Kihyun wanted to throw up.

 

 

The others, they were looming over Maya’s distended belly, their hands touching the skin that stretched, claiming they could feel the baby in the womb move. Maya grinned so wide, his hollowed cheeks looked fuller and he guided the omegas’ wrists to where his baby’s movements were at most.

 

 

Watching from afar, Kihyun could feel his own stomach turn, but it wasn’t the good kind, the kind that made him feel nauseous, his throat scratching and his skin burn.

 

 

_Get it out of me!_

 

He stood, his eyes caught where Hyungwon was, the taller omega had always been disinterested with anything else that happened around the shelter so it was no surprise he wasn’t as excited as the other omegas were when Maya asked who wanted to feel his baby moving.

 

  
Hyungwon was sprawled over the arm chair that appeared too small for him, eyes trained on the television but when Kihyun stood up, he noticed.

 

 

 

“He’s so active now,” Maya exclaimed happily, rubbing his belly lovingly, “ can’t wait to see you, baby.”

 

 

The moment he saw how Maya’s belly moved as the baby inside probably kicked or turned or what ever, he can’t focus his eyes. The toom was fading to black and there was this intense urge to head to the kitchen, find a knife or a fork - anything would do - and claw his own stomach open just so he could confirm that there was nothing inside of him.

 

 

But the urge to vomit out his dinner was stronger, so he ran to the toilets first.

 

 

  
_Get it out of me!_

 

 

_Pull out, please!_

 

 

  
_The gel was cool as the doctor placed it in his belly, then rubbing the ultrasound probe around, spreading it - it appears like you’re pregnant-_

 

 

_  
Get it out!_

 

_  
Get it out!_

 

  
_Kihyun, what have you done?_

 

 

  
Ah, fuck, it’s cold

 

 

  
“Breathe.”

 

 

  
His throat hurt, there was a thick sour taste on his tongue and it made him feel like he needed to lurch over the toilet bowl again so he did, hoping it’ll end but nothing came out, and the retching made it a lot more painful.

 

 

 

It was just the terrible gagging sound that came, even after vomiting out what he ate earlier, it didn’t ease the discomfort.

 

 

  
“Kihyun, “ Hyungwon was wiping his forehead with a cloth drenched in cold water, “feeling better?”

 

 

He shook his head - _no_. When will he ever-

 

 

 

“Do you want me to get Jooheon?”

 

 

“No,” he tried to rub at his eyes, the tears were clouding his vision but his wrists were held tight, by Hyungwon, “It’s alright.”

 

  
“If I let go, will you stop trying to scratch open your stomach?”

 

 

He can’t promise, so he hang his head low and kept quiet, breathing through his mouth as his nose were becoming runny. 

 

  
“I didn’t mean to-“

 

  
“We know you didn’t, “ Hyungwon had let go, taking the towel again and using it to wipe Kihyun’s eyes and cheeks.

 

 

“No- you don’t understand,” Kihyun shook his head. The tears were unstoppable, and it wasnt just because of the vomitting.

 

 

“I didn’t mean to kill it.”

 

 

  
_Kihyun, what have you done?_

 

 

  
The other omega froze, Kihyun could see his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed his own saliva. Hyungwon had left the cloth at the back of his neck and grabbed Kihyun’s hands this time, instead of his wrists.

 

 

  
“I just- I just want it out of me.”

 

 

  
_Get it out!_

 

“I can’t-“ Kihyun chocked, there was a heavy load in his throat and his tears had spilled like a dam - he didn’t mean to cry.

 

 

He didnt mean to-

 

 

 

“I can’t stop the feeling like it’s still there-“

 

 

  
_Tokophobia. Kihyun, do you understand?_

 

 

  
“-and I want it out.”

 

 

 

_Kihyun, what have you done?_

 

 

_Lovers fuck, okay?_

 

 

”Don’t make me, please.”

 

 

He wasn’t sure what he was muttering anymore, Hyungwon just held his hands as he cried. The other was probably thinking of tbe right words to say and Kihyun wished he had, maybe- what could he have said to make him feel better?

 

 

Did he deserve to feel better in the first place?

 

 

 

After what he had done?

 

 

”it’ll be alright, Kihyunnie-“ Hyungwon had pulled him into a hug, the warm welcoming him but he just, he couldn’t stop crying, “I’ll hold your hand until you feel better, okay?”

 

 

Kihyun wished it was just that simple.


	13. “He won’t appear even if you keep staring at it.”

“He won’t appear even if you keep staring at it.”

 

 

  
He could see the corner of Hoseok’s lips twitch.

 

 

  
It was nearing that day and he knew his best friend would lock himself in the room unless he comes to get him. It’s. Almost two years and Hyunwoo knew Hoseok well enough how he’d be everytime their - Hoseok and Hyungwon’s - wedding anniversary was around the corner.

 

 

 

  
The younger was sitting in his room, only a single night lamp was on. Hoseok was holding on to a ring, fiddling the silver material with a longing look in his eyes. It was one that was too small for him, one that he made - custom - with their names joined engraved in the inner, for the love of his life. It was still clear to Hyunwoo the day he proposed, after high school graduation, still clad in their uniforms. Hyunwoo watched by the sidelines, behind a tree to be exact because Hoseok needed his right man by his side making such a big commitment. 

 

 

 

“I never once regretted marrying him,” Hoseok said, shaking his head. His eyes close, Hyunwoo wondered if he was imagining Hyungwon in front of him.

 

 

 

Hyunwoo smiled, walking into the room. It was a year ago but the room was the same just as when Hyungwon still lived there, his clothes could still be seen hung on the rack, some were probably in the closet, there was a collection of shoes neatly stacked onto one side and there was a baby’s crib-

 

 

 

_Hyung, I can't- he won't wake up!_

 

 

  
Ah, _shit_.

 

 

  
Hyunwoo placed his hand onto Hoseok’s shoulder, “Maybe this time, _you_ should send the flowers. It’ll mean a lot.”

 

 

  
“I can’t-,” Hyunwoo shook his head vigorously, “I can’t hear him say he hates me again.”

 

 

  
“You know he doesn’t mean that.”

 

 

_Why?_

 

 

  
They knew each other since highschool, the three of them. It was Hoseok and Hyunwoo who were best friends first then along the way they met sharp-tongued Hyungwon, who was always disinterested in everything. He existed in class and Hyunwoo fell the moment Hyungwon looked at him with those large brown eyes. His listlessness was his character and Hoseok was the only one who could make the cold icy expression in the omega’s face crack into a wide grin or a smile.

 

 

  
Then they got married in Hoseok's parent's garden with white roses bloming and Hyungwon wore a bright shine on his face despite his usual demeanor- - a beautiful mating bite on his shoulder..

 

 

  
Then one day, Hyungwon came down, a lot more excited than he usually was, jumping onto his mate- his love, exclaiming - _I’m pregnant!_

 

 

  
Hyunwoo couldn’t forget the look on both of their faces.

 

 

 

Hoseok didn’t even care he had dropped the bouquet he was working on to the ground as he opened his arms to catch his one and only, they spent the whole day kissing and Hyunwoo wanted to gag.

 

 

 

  
But then a drunken driver skidded and Hyungwon got hit.

 

 

 

Hyunwoo received a frantic call from Hoseok, saying how he was at the hospital -how they couldn’t save the baby but they are _trying_ -

 

 

 

_They’re trying to save him!_

 

 

_Hyung?_

 

 

 

_I’m so scared, hyung!_

 

 

 

When Hyungwon woke up, they never saw that smile Hoseok helped him learn on his face again.

 

 

 

_I should’ve been the one hit- why didn’t I see the car coming?_

 

 

 

Hyungwon returned to his shell, they should’ve realised sooner, but thought it was his own way of mourning- the way he slept more than he did before, from dawn till dusk sometimes longer until one day, Hoseok couldn’t wake him.

 

 

 

They were empty pill bottles that the doctor provided Hoseok because, he was the one who couldn’t sleep, and they were scattered on the floor when Hoseok found Hyungwon-

 

 

 

_You should’ve let me sleep._

 

 

  
_I hate you, Lee Hoseok._

 

 

  
“Does he know?”

 

 

Hyunwoo raised his brows, he was caught up in a memory that only included him as a bystander, even so, he wished he could’ve done more than just watch his best friends’ relationship burn to the ground.

 

 

“Know what?”

 

 

Hoseok bit his lips, gripping onto the ring, he brought it to his lips, kissing the material. There was a break in his voice, “sometimes I wonder if he knows that- that I married him because _I love him and_ I still do _,_  be it with or without a child.”

 

 

 

  
They could hear the chimes from the nursery, Changkyun had probably came in. Glancing over the clock only confirmed the timing.

 

 

 

  
Hyunwoo gave Hoseok's thigh a squeze, pursing his lips, “Maybe you should remind him.”


	14. "Minhyuk?"

"Minhyuk?"

 

 

 

It was dark out when he had opened his eyes. 

 

 

 

"Yeah, I'm back, bitch."

 

 

 

His whole body was aching, the duvet was pulled up to his chin and when he realised it, his eyes went wide - he was naked underneath against the sheets. 

 

 

 

" _Shit_ ," Kihyun exclaimed, feeling a sort of stickiness from his behind. 

 

 

 

"No need to turn red, " Minhyuk laughed, getting up from the empty opposite bed, "I've seen worst heats. Have you seen Hyungwon's?"

 

 

Kihyun covered his ears, "don't want to."

 

 

The smaller groaned, hiding underneath the duvet. Of all people, why does Minhyuk -who had been gone for nearly four weeks- had to be the first one he'd see when his senses returned to him. Kihyun wished he could be buried in his bed forever. 

 

 

 

"but honestly," Minhyuk walked over to a pot, placed on a dresser in the room, pouring tea onto a mug, "you had us all worried."

 

 

 

Peeking his head out, Kihyun saw that Minhyuk was by his bedside, handing him the cuppa. He took it gratefully, not missing the wrapped wrists that Minhyuk tried to cover underneath his sleeves. 

 

 

 

What happened at the hospital? Minhyuk looked like he had all the nutrients sucked out of his while he was there. To be honest, Kihyun was glad to see Minhyuk had his wide grin on instead of the glare he had given him the last time their eyes met - 

 

 

 

_-fuck off!_

 

 

 

"What do you mean?" 

 

 

 

Minhyuk sat on his bed. Kihyun worried if the other omega would be bothered by how disgusting he was - covered in dried sweat and slick, because he himself felt utterly revolting. Kihyun wanted to take a long hot bath and scrub, continue scrubbing until-

 

 

 

-Until?

 

 

 

Until his skin bleeds or whatever it takes to get the dirty off him.

 

 

 

"You sounded so terrified," Mihyuk explained, his brows furrowed to the centre, "don't you remember?"

 

 

 

_Make it stop-_

 

 

 

_I don't want to-_

 

 

 

_Please-_

 

 

 

_Pull out-_

 

 

 

"I _don't want_ to remember," Kihyun whispered, gripping the mug and closing his eyes, " don't make me."

 

 

 

"-sorry."

 

 

 

He could- remember bits and pieces of it. Feeling a little bit too hot than usual, his body going weak and the emptiness he felt in his  belly. Then there was that need, that need - an omega's need- to be filled but at the same time, he didn't want to because it hurt too much- he didn't want to-

 

 

 

_-but he kept going and he didn't stop._

 

 

 

_Lovers fuck, okay?_

 

 

 

_Kihyun, you love me right?_

 

 

 

_then do this for me._

 

 

 

"Hey."

 

 

 

Minhyuk was holding his hands, the mug filled with tea was on the ground - he didn't remember dropping it. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ \- some of the tea that had spilled on him burnt his skin, it took him a while to digest the unpleasant sensation. 

 

 

 

"I should'nt have brought it up. Sorry."

 

 

 

Cool drops were felt on his cheeks, and he wiped them away, not realizing it had happened. It was happening a lot lately and he hated it, hated the fact that things are happening beyond his control. It all started that way, and it didn't stop the way he wanted to. 

 

 

 

It frustrated him. 

 

 

 

When will he ever have control of his life again?

 

 

 

"Hey, you want to know something?” Minhyuk suddenly said, using his sleeves to help him with his tears. _Fuck_  this embarrassment that never seem to end. 

 

 

 

The other omega was trying to cheer him up.

 

 

 

“What?”

 

 

 

“My first heat, I had it when I was fourteen,” Minhyuk chuckled, brushing his silvery almost white hair off his face, “my father had invited some people for his campaign for dinner.”

 

 

 

Kihyun sniffed.

 

 

 

”Imagine having your whole pants drenched in slick right in front of the people your father wanted to impressed.” 

 

 

 

Kihyun snorted, a bubble of snot came out of his nose and Minhyuk giggled - _ew_. 

 

 

 

“Their alpha son tackled me to the ground nearly mating me right that night,” Minhyuk continued ,” thank god they stopped him. Can you imagine _me_? Mated so young.”

 

 

 

”Imagine him coming to his senses then realising he made the worst mistake being mated to you.”

 

 

 

Minhyuk hit him playfully with a pillow,”asshole.” 

 

 

 

The laughter died down after a bit and they sat across each other, Minhyuk playing with Kihyun’s stubby fingers, tasing him periodically about how short they were. 

 

 

 

“My father never wanted an omega as a son,” Minhyuk suddenly said, pulling his lower lip with his teeth, chewing on it.

 

 

 

Kihyun hung his head low, he watched as Minhyuk's fingers,  where his nails were obviously bitten till it's undeniably short , tug on his own. 

 

 

 

“He tried to marry me off. Saying it was best for his campaign if I did it. I think he did it so he didn't have to deal with me.”

 

 

 

Kihyun brushed Minhyuk’s wrapped wrists, the other didn’t even wince at the sensation. Did Minhyuk feel anything at all when he carved those lines up and down his limbs?

 

 

 

”That night after he introduced me to my future mate - I cut myself too deep, I had to go through physiotherapy because my tendons were badly severed.”

 

 

 

Kihyun imagined that beneath the bandage, a deep angry line was there, all the emotions and frustrations pent up, released itself that night Minhyuk held the knife - or was it a razor?

 

 

 

"It was intentional, however," Mihyuk shrugged his shoulders, "I'm glad I did it."

 

 

 

Kihyun tilted his head, Minhyuk's voice and tone didn't match the solemn smile he had on his face. 

 

 

"I wouldn't have met Jooheon if I didn't."  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM GOING TO SEE MONSTA X IN SINGAPORE I BETTER GET ON MY KNEES AND APOLOGISE FOR EVERYTHING I WROTE ABOUT THEM


	15. “Hyunwoo?”

“Hyunwoo?”

 

 

  
He tried to ignore it-

 

 

  
That intense and inviting scent that hit his nose when he opened the door to the shelter.

 

 

  
Jooheon gave his shoulder a little shake and he replied as if they hadn’t been talking for a while now. They did - they talked about how the weather was, the latest games and maybe a little bit on music. Hyunwoo couldn't focus on the words that came out of the nurse's mouth, they were like lines he couldn't decipher. Hyunwoo tried to push the scent away because everyone else seemed pretty unaffected by it, except for _him_.

 

 

 

Why does it feel like he could almost taste the beautiful creature on his tongue?

 

 

 

“Hey - um,” he darted his tongue out to moisten his dry lips, “do you smell that?”

 

 

 

 

Jooheon raised a brow, leaning back against the stool and fixing his uniform, “smell what?”

 

 

 

 

“Are you guys- having some sort of baking class or something?”

 

 

 

False, though it smelled sweet, confectionaries and cakes are absolutely not the best way to describe it. It was as if he could imagine - a beautiful, _beautiful_ being inviting him to follow his scent, circling around him and then running away, enticing Hyunwoo to come after it.

 

 

You don’t feel like you want to fuck a muffin, or a cake.

 

 

  
_Shit_.

 

 

  
Hyunwoo clasped his hands over his nose. Trying to block the scent away. A tent was forming in his pants, his breathing was becoming heavy - regular- but still, _heavy_. His eyes couldn’t focus on Jooheon anymore, they scanned the room, hoping to land on the one the scent belonged to-

 

 

  
But no, none of these omegas fit such a divine scent. They didn’t catch his attention. His alpha was begging him, he needed to find who was calling out to him that seductively, who after all this years, was able to evoke what had been sleep inside him for all these while?

 

 

_I just don’t think we should be together anymore, Hyunwoo._

 

 

He could almost feel his pupils dilated.

 

 

 

“I think- I need to go,” he said behind his hands, standing up, he hoped Jooheon couldn’t see his boner through his sweat pants.

 

 

Damn it, why did he wear such pants today?

 

 

 

Jooheon stood, obviously noticing the bulge, “I think you should, too. It’s probably your rut-“

 

 

 

“Jooheonie!”

 

 

The nurse had turned to the distress call- Hyungwon; he had his body peeking out from one of the hallways, ones that lead to the rooms. Hyunwoo recalled catching the omega earlier as he passed by in his usual bed hair, dismissing his friend's presence as he head back probably to bed again.

 

 

 

“Jooheonie, it’s Kihyun!” he called frantically, eyes wide,”he’s in heat!”

 

 

  
“Shit-“ Jooheon had turned back to him, “I think we need to make sure no alpha is within the compound-“

 

 

  
“Hyunwoo?”

 

 

His vision narrowed- the moment Hyungwon uttered the name, _Kihyun_ , it was like his alpha was dragging him, pushing him towards the omega saying - _there, there he is!_

 

  
_He is in there and you need to-_

 

 

_To what?_

 

 

Hyunwoo had more will power, his rut hadn’t set full blown mode and he, he had ruts all these years never had he ever hurt an omega, or anyone for that matter. So he clasped his nose harder, strengthening his weakened knees to move and leave, _leave before it’s too late._

 

 

He wanted so bad to jump over the counter and-

 

 

_And?_

 

 

  
Do something he’d regret.

 

 

_Don't._

 

 

_Don't._

 

 

But Kihyun would look so beautiful beneath him. He could almost imagine the little mewls the omega would make as he writhed his body against the sheets, his biology completely begging him to be released of this torture - Hyunwoo would do anything to ease the pain, he'd do anything for Kihyun at that moment-

 

 

“Hyunwoo!”

 

 

  
Jooheon slammed the counter, eyes darkened as the last warning. There was a tranquilizing gun used for emergencies, and the nurse wouldn't hesitate to use it on anyone, be it an alpha whom he was friends with, in order to keep the omegas under his care from harm. 

 

 

 

 

  
Hyunwoo nodded, briefly shaking his head to rid that divine picture of Kihyun, “ I’m leaving.”

 

 

So he grabbed his bag, and made a turn for the exit.

 

 

  
As he left the building, an alarm had gone off - a warning to nearby alphas not to try and enter the shelter or risk being shot down by a sedative. The shelter was serious about protecting it's occupants. 

 

 

Hyunwoo had ran the whole way home, his awkward tent made it hard for people to ignore it and he could feel his sanity loosing it's grip on him. As his rut sat in, Hyunwoo had hid at home the whole week and the whole time, he imagined Kihyun was the one he held.  

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a few questions!
> 
> 1\. How old are you guys?
> 
> 2\. How old do you think I am?
> 
> 3\. I'm surprised no one wondered what Jooheon was yet. Have y'all guessed it?


	16. “I’m jealous.”

“I’m jealous.”

 

 

It was Hyungwon’s wedding anniversary, Minhyuk said.

 

 

That was why it was a completely different person who walked into the shelter that morning with a bouquet of flowers. Kihyun didn't know why he felt a little disappointed when he saw the fair blonde with tattoos down his arm instead of-

 

 

_Who?_

 

 

Who was he anticipating?

 

 

And _why?_

 

 

 

Then behind the unknown figure, a familiar face came in suit, in his usual grey shirt underneath a denim jacket paired with blue jeans and a cap. He must’ve smiled because Hyunwoo smiled back, waving a hand with a smaller bouquet of flowers, tulips today.

 

 

 

His heart skipped a beat, a flutter erupted from his belly and for once, he didn't want to claw  it out. 

 

 

 

  
The omegas frantically wake Hyungwon up, it took almost half an hour without telling him why he needed to wake so early. Hyungwon’s jaw drop when he saw the familiar face and Kihyun was sure he needed to pick it up, placing it back.

 

 

 

  
It took little convincing, for Hyungwon to actually agree to meet the man. Kihyun could see he wanted too but there was just too much sorrow in his eyes and that was the first time he saw Hyungwoon cried. He cried so beautifully, with minimal expression, silently, _such class_ , Kihyun thought, like he had cried enough before that his cries now, he had gone used to it.

 

 

 

  
“You’ll feel better if you talk to him,” Jooheon coaxed the omega out of his room, “come on, now. Give him a chance. You love him- right?”

 

 

  
And that was how they were seated in the garden - Hyungwon and his mate, Hoseok, an alpha so handsome and divine, if he was a lot thinner, with his pale skin and hair, anyone could’ve mistake him for being an omega. Luckily his alpha hormones worked well for him, his muscles stretched the thin clothing he was wearing, the cold didn't affect him one bit. If he Hyungwon was this mysterious dark allurement, Hoseok was the opposite.

 

 

 

When he greeted Kihyun, the omega felt blinded by such straight teeth.

 

 

  
They fit so well against each other as they sat on the bench, despite the distance, despite Hyungwon crossing his arms and legs as Hoseok talked, looking completely disinterested. Hyungwon looked as if he saw his life in Hoseok, his regrets, his sadness, that's why he looked away - but at the same time, Kihyun saw the way his fingers twitched, wanting to touch his mate. 

 

 

 

Kihyun was jealous.

 

 

 

“Why is that so?” Hyunwoo chuckled. They sat together, a comfortable distance from each other and away on another bench underneath a tree, where they had first met outside the shelter's building

 

 

 

 

Kihyun stared at the tulips in his hands, he preferred the roses, but nevertheless thankful for the flowers today “Hyungwon has someone waiting outside for him, someone who is willing to open his arms for him once he’s out.”

 

 

 

  
He then looked over to the open grass, where Minhyuk was straddling on Jooheon. The nurse was protesting, whining, Kihyun could hear how he demanded Minhyuk to get off him - with the biggest smile on his face. The shine had definitely written on the nurse’s face since Minhyuk’s return.

 

 

 

 

“Minhyuk, too,” Kihyun said solemnly, “Jooheon will always be there for him even when his family doesn’t.”

 

 

 

"Don't you?"

 

 

 

Kihyun stopped fiddling with the petals of the flowers. Upfront, he could see Hyungwon crying again and Hoseok extend his hand, with a finger, he brushed the tear that strayed down the omega's face. Hyungwon didn't flinch, closing his eyes and looked away, Hoseok's hand lingered longer than he should, just brushing his husband's cheek with his thumb. 

 

 

 

_Kihyun, what have you done?_

 

 

 

"I grew up in an orphanage," the smaller male confessed, "I- I had a boyfriend from the same home."

 

 

 

_Lovers, fuck, okay?_

 

 

 

He shook his head, "but he was much older and left the home earlier than I did."

 

 

 

Hyunwoo clenched his fists, "are you still contacting him?"

 

 

 

_You love me, right?_

 

 

 

Kihyun brought his knees to his chest, "When I left the home I did- I looked for him and found him."

 

 

 

_Do this for me._

 

 

 

_Please, stop._

 

 

 

"We're not- we're not together anymore. I don't- I don't want to."

 

 

 

He could hear Hyunwoo letting out a breath, " I see. I'm glad."

 

 

 

They heard a shriek and their heads turned to the direction the sound was coming from - Minhyuk gleefully laughed as Jooheon began tickling him. The world around them seemed to dissapear for the odd couple and Kihyun couldn't resist having the corner of his lips tug into a short smile seeing them. He was glad for Minhyuk, he was for Hyungwon too. 

 

 

 

"I'll wait for you then."

 

 

 

Kihyun's head turned back to the alpha that sat beside him - Hyunwoo's cheeks were pink and his gaze was lowered. The omega didn't understand, his head tilted a little, "huh?"

 

 

 

"I'll wait for you - when you get to leave this place, I'll - I'll be there."

 

 

 

Hyunwoo wouldn't look at him, the flare had spread to his ears and Kihyun wouldn't deny, the alpha looking all flustered could be one of his favourite looks, another would be him stuttering and his little snort when he laughs. 

 

 

 

He recognised _that_ look.

 

 

 

It made sense now- Hyunwoo's persistence in talking to him, the flowers he gave him. That _smile_ \- he adored that smile belonging to the alpha; those fangs that showed, the little squint he does. 

 

 

 

"Hyunwoo," he bit his lips, nibbling on it as he said, "do you like me?"

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo nearly snapped his neck turning so quickly. Kihyun could see his face now, and the sweat that trickle down the side of his head. 

 

 

 

Standing up, Kihyun handed the flowers back to the alpha, "you shouldn't."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million thanks to those who responded to my questions and to those who left kudos!
> 
>  
> 
> Unfortunately, I'm older than Hyunwoo by a year and um, about Jooheon, let's keep it a secret until the time comes. 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm thinking of making a side story and it would revolve around the other two couple. it will be their story :)))))))))) and more pain. :)))) cos I like hurting myself.


	17. “You shouldn’t.”

“You shouldn’t.”

 

The flowers were pretty, he worked with Hoseok for the longest time and he had seen a lot of things that would be deemed beautiful, especially flowers. The tulips he had carefully chose for today weren’t as extravagant as the roses or the bouquet Hoseok had prepared for Hyungwon, but Hyunwoo felt it was suitable enough to be given to the one person he thought was perfect to hold those beautiful flowers.

 

 

The flowers couldn’t compare to Kihyun’s beauty. If anything they should be jealous, Hyunwoo thought.

 

  
But now, the flowers were staring back at him and he couldn’t understand why.

 

 

Did Kihyun not like it?

 

  
Had he failed to make him smile the way he did before with the tulips?

 

 

Should he had waited for the roses Kihyun loved so much to bloom perfect- would Kihyun still return them today?

 

  
“Why?” He asked, voice raw it rasped.

 

 

“You shouldn’t- not someone like me.”

 

 

Hyunwoo wouldn’t take the flowers Kihyun was handing him back, he stared at it, then back to Kihyun’s eyes- they were so solemn.

 

 

“Why not,” he didn’t mean to sound harsh, but it came out that way and it sounded more like a statement, rather than a question. He saw how Kihyun flinched at his voice, immediately regretting it because fuck, he didn’t mean to-

 

 

“You don’t want something broken.”

 

 

He couldn’t read Kihyun’s face; the boy was looking away, the hand extending towards him where he was holding the tulips, returning the flowers Hyunwoo had given him- there was something about them. Hyunwoo loved how small they were, how they would fit perfectly in his, he could imagine holding those fingers-

 

 

  
Kihyun never took his hand when they first met. He wouldn’t ever understand how much Hyunwoo wanted to.

 

 

  
“You don’t need fixing,” Hyunwoo reached out, his hand touching the base of the bouquet, “but if there is anything i can do- to make you stop thinking like that-“

 

 

 

The bouquet dropped to the ground.

 

 

“To make you feel better- I’d do anything.”

 

 

Kihyun’s hand was softer than he imagined. He held onto just his index finger but that was enough- the tingling sensation as their skin brushed against each other, it only intensified, it only confirmed his own feelings- Hyunwoo really wanted this omega.

 

 

  
He wanted to hold him, constantly, shield the boy from any harm and if he could, he wanted to dry the tears that were falling down Kihyun’s face now.

 

 

_Please don’t cry, sweetheart._

 

 

  
“You’re so beautiful, Kihyun.”

 

 

 

Their skin disconnected, and there was a void Hyunwoo wished to fill. Kihyun had pulled away, he knew it would happen, he was asking too much, too fast, he wanted to apologise.

 

 

  
Sorry for forcing his feelings on someone who needed time, but he can’t hold it in any longer, not when his feelings were being rejected and it wasn’t because of something he did, but the other party feeling he wasn’t enough- he couldn’t except it.

 

 

“I’d never hurt you.”

 

  
Jooheon had approached them, the nurse must’ve noticed, the distress in Kihyun but he didn’t say anything, he was just- just watching them.

 

  
“Please don’t push me away.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late, i was in singapore to support our boys. 
> 
>  
> 
> And let me just say, i experienced first hand how sweet and caring they were- They were so worried about us, drenched in the rain for the press con, . at the concert they were sooo concerned about it being too hot and honestly, i love them to death.  
> They worry about monbebes all the time while we are worried about them being tired and all
> 
>    
> And MONBEBES-let me just say even there are some assholes, us MONBEBES, majority of us are ANGELS. We took care of each other the whole time and I couldn’t fanthom how sweet these girls and boys were. There was a girl nearby during a concert who nearly fainted because of the heat, the girl next to her ignored the show upfront to fan her and there were just sooo many heartwarming moments. Im so proud of us
> 
> I STAN THE RIGHT PEOPLE GUYS I STAN ANGELS ISTG
> 
>  
> 
> Seeing theM like a few feet away from me, it was surreal, they were so beautiful. Waited in line since the early hours really paid off to see them so close. 
> 
>  
> 
> AH, i want to fangirl but i got no monbebe friend in real life so i apologise for being so excited.


	18. “Are you okay?”

“Are you okay?”

 

 

 

 

He couldn’t stop staring at his hand- where Hyunwoo had touched.

 

 

 

“Yeah,” Kihyun closed his palm, holding it to his chest, “I’m fine.”

 

 

 

  
There was still that _tingle_ on his index finger where Hyunwoo had hold onto him. It was like a plead - _don’t leave, please_ \- and it lingered there longer than it should have. It wasn’t like the vomit he pushed out much earlier, or the tugging in his abdomen begging for him to claw it out but rather - it felt a little _pleasant_.

 

 

  
Hyungwon was helping him put on socks as he laid on his bed, definitely drained from the episode he just had.

 

 

“I apologise for Hyunwoo,” Said the taller omega, standing up once he was done with the socks to grab a comb for Kihyun’s damp hair, “he could be a bit hasty, always have been that way.”

 

 

“It wasn’t his fault,” Kihyun stated, closing his eyes, comforted as Hyungwon brushed through his hair, “ it was _me_. I have -“

 

 

  
_You don’t need fixing._

 

 

  
“- a problem.”

 

 

  
_You’re beautiful, Kihyun._

 

 

_Please don’t push me away._

 

 

Hyungwon combed through Kihyun’s hair, humming a song. The smaller omega nuzzled into his pillow, the sheets were just washed and they smelled so synthetically floral. He could melt from the comfort of having Hyungwon babying him, the smell of the sheets and the warmth after a bath. It was mere moments ago he was frantically screaming, completely trapped between the past and present.

 

 

  
“If I know Hyunwoo,” Hyungwon began again, chuckling a little“ and I’ve known him since he was still a fat unpresented being.”

 

 

 

Kihyun turned his head slightly, biting his lower lip.

 

 

 

“He’ll _treasure_ you.”

 

 

  
Finishing up by pulling all of Kihyun’s fringe back, Hyungwon stood up to place the comb on the dresser. Kihyun watched as the lanky omega almost drown in his oversized sweater and sweat pants. His eyes narrowed when he saw the glimmer that came from Hyungwon’s ring finger -

 

 

  
He had to keep the smile to himself when he noticed the ring, knowing he wanted Hyungwon’s presence at that moment; he didn’t want to be alone. If he were to ask him about it, he the boy would get embarrassed and shy away, leaving the room.

 

 

  
“I’m just-,” Kihyun said, curling into foetal position - his hands went to his belly, “I’m just scared.”

 

 

  
Hyungwon began lying down on the opposite bed. He stretched a little before staying in that position, completely flat on the bed.

 

 

 

“I know.”

 

 

  
_Please don’t push me away._

 

 

 

There was that flutter again, the sensation wanted him to curl deeper into himself. Fuck he hated it, he wanted to stop feeling like this because Kihyun knew, if it started- its going to be hard to _stop_ -

 

 

_  
Please stop!_

 

 

_You love me, right?_

 

 

_Stop-_

 

_Then do this for me._

 

 

  
“Hyunwonnie.”

 

 

 

He heard Hyungwon hum, it sounded like he had just fallen asleep but the Kihyun’s call had woken him up.

 

 

  
“When I had my heat -“

 

 

 

He opened his eyes to see Hyungwon turning to face his side, eyes hooded and tired, hanging by probably a thread to keep awake.

 

 

 

“Did I call for anyone?”

 

 

Hyungwon’s eyes squinted as he smiled, he pulled the blanket up to his shoulders - Hyungwon looked so pretty when he smiled. He looked like a completely different person, his cheeks rounded up by the sides of his face and - is that dimple?

 

 

  
“Who were you thinking about?”

 

 

 

Kihyun could feel his face heat up- his heats were mostly reminders of different hands that had held him, pinned him down- but the latest, the last time he had it, it triggered because -

 

 

 

  
“You were sniffing the flowers Hyunwoo gave you, didn’t _you_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im having post concert depression 


	19. “I understand how much you want him-“

“I understand how much you want him-“

 

 

  
Jooheon took the flowers from his hands. It was roses again, for the fifth day.

 

 

 

He clenched his face as the flowers moved. 

 

 

  
  
“But you have to understand he is recovering.”

 

 

 

  
He could see yesterday’s roses were in a vase, next to the bouquet he had prepared the day before. There was a sick churn in his stomach seeing how they appeared untouched.

 

 

 

They weren’t Hyungwon’s flowers anymore. For Hyungwon, Hoseok had taken the initiative to send them himself again in the afternoon where he knew his mate would be awake by then. It was a progress in their relationship and even though things are still a little cold, the both them seemed to have come to the same conclusion- they wanted what they once had. 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo tapped his feet repeatedly, bouncing his knees against the counter as he pulled his lower lip with his teeth. He kept looking behind Jooheon’s head, hoping he’d catch at least a glimpse Kihyun - just a glimpse, dear God , _please_ ,  a glimpse was enough for him-

 

 

 

 

“What about you?” Hyunwoo let his hand on the counter top, his fists clenching and unclenching as frustration boiled within him. 

 

 

 

 

Jooheon raised a brow, “what about me?”

 

 

 

 

“How long did it take for Minhyuk let you touch him?” His voice came on probably a little too harsh, it wasn’t his attention but maybe it was, “oh wait, it’s easy for you because you’re _not_ an alpha.”

 

 

 

Jooheon didn’t flinch at those words; he was a nurse who dealt with troubled people, troubled, deeply wounded people that sometimes say things they don’t mean. Hyunwoo was no different, he was just an alpha, hurt. Honestly, he had heard worst and sometimes it comes from the least expected person. 

 

 

  
Realising those words he uttered and how terrible it sounded, Hyunwoo dropped his head and apologised, “so-sorry. It didn’t mean to come out that way-“

 

 

 

“I’ve always felt being a beta was; being _ordinary_ ,” Jooheon said, leaning back against the chair, his fingers kept flicking the pen he had in between them, “I’ve settled to that mediocrity- I’ve accepted the fact that I’ll find another beta and we will settle as a normal beta family.”

 

 

 

Jooheon let out a dry laugh, shaking his head a little, “Minhyuk came and suddenly, this _beautiful_ omega wanted me- a mere beta.”

 

 

 

  
Hyunwoo hang his head low.

 

 

 

  
“I’m- Everyday, I worry that Minhyuk would realise that he is just using me as a coping mechanism because he is just afraid to let an alpha touch him. And when he realised he needed an alpha-

 

 

 

  
_“He’ll leave.”_

 

 

 

 

The pen dropped. Jooheon looked away briefly.

 

 

 

 

“My point is everyone has their own battle,” Jooheon picks up the pen and placed it in his pocket,”and they deal with it in their own pace.”

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo shrugged, “Minhyuk is obviously your mate, I’ve never seen a beta- omega couple so... _compatible_.”

 

 

 

 

“And maybe Kihyun is yours.” Jooheon clicked his tongue, “he asked me whether it was normal to feel your touch linger on his fingers.”

 

 

 

 

He felt his heart flutter, Hyunwoo looked at his hands because he felt it, _too_. And that was what frustrated him more, he wanted to be able to to feel Kihyun constantly against his skin, his alpha was begging him. He needed to be with his- _his significant other_. _Maybe_ that was why he couldn't take his eyes off him, and _maybe_ , that was why, despite Kihyun tried his best to avoid alphas, Hyunwoo managed to crawl, slipped right in, planting a foreign feeling right at the core of his heart.  

 

 

 

 "Hey."

 

 

 

Eyes blinking, Hyunwoo realised he had been staring into space until Jooheon placed his hand on his. 

 

 

 

 

"It's not your fault Kihyun's like that, yeah? You're feeling guilty, I can tell."

 

 

 

Who wouldn't? He saw Kihyun giving him that _look_ \- the look with fear in his eyes the last time they saw each other and Hyunwoo couldn't help but blame his biology for scaring the omega. He never hated being an alpha before and he won't deny he was a wee bit jealous of Jooheon, his mellow pheromones and presence enabled him to get closer to Kihyun easily. 

 

 

 

"Contrary to popular belief," Jooheon stood up stretching, glancing over the clock on the wall, "I'm actually rooting for the both of you."

 

 

 

Hyunwoo couldn't help but smile at those words. Definitely, it was time to leave, Jooheon needed to dispense the meds and he had a few more bouquets to deliver. With that, he placed his cap back on, vowing to return the next day with different coloured roses - surely, there would come a day where Kihyun had to come out of his room and Hyunwoo had to admit as he left the facility; he wouldn't mind waiting at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys sorry for being late, had a major writer's block.  
> :))) 
> 
> HAVE YOU GUYS EVER LIKE BROsWED THROUGH A BUNCH OF BOYBANDS - LIKE I DID WITH NCT AND SEVENTEEN THESE PAST FEW DAYS- AND THEN YOU COME BACK TO OUR BOYS, LIKE YOU WATCH AN MV OR A DANCE PRACTICE AND YOU GO LIKE - AH, MY BOYS. THOSE ARE MY BOYS AND YOU CANT HELP BUT SIGH LIKE YOU ARE SO DEEPLY MADLY INLOVE WITH THEM, IT CANT COMPARE TO WATCHING OTHER GROUPS DESPITE LOVING OTHER GROUPS SONGS OR CHOREO?? LIKE YOUR BOY GROUP BIAS SOMETHING, maybe it isn’t just monst x maybe you’d feel that way with some other group???? BUT MINE IS TOTALLY WITH MONSTA X


	20. “You have a visitor.”

“You have a visitor.”

 

 

Kihyun poke his head out of his blankets.

 

 

  
He could feel warmth, steady breathing against the nape of his neck and looking down he could see Minhyuk was still sleeping, his arm across Kihyun’s chest. The strands of silvery blonde hair tickling Kihyun’s chin.

 

 

 

“Huh?” He tilted his head, still a little dazed from sleep.

 

 

 

  
“There’s someone wanting to see you, “ Min Soo said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “he’s in the visiting room.”

 

 

 

Lifting his body up from the bed, he pushed Minhyuk aside, the other omega rolling over nearly falling off the bed but never waking up. He could see Hyungwon still asleep on the opposite bed, looking a little abnormally short all curled up under his covers.

 

 

 

  
They had left the curtains open last night and by the sunshine that seeped in, it wasn’t so early anymore.

 

 

 

“Where’s Jooheon?” He asked, the first nurse he would usually see in the morning was Jooheon, so it was a bit weird having Min Soo waking them up that day.

 

 

 

  
“There’s a meeting up at the main block,” opening the room door, Min soo had one foot out of the already, “come on, I’ll wake the others up.”

 

 

  
Feeling a little groggy- they did spent the whole night talking- Kihyun pulled himself together out of bed and staggered to the bathroom to wash his face. He hadn’t put much thought as to who was visiting him - he didn’t have any parents or siblings and the only person who’d probably want to see him was-

 

 

  
Hyunwoo.

 

 

  
His eyes went wide when he realised it, toothbrush in his mouth.

 

 

Hyunwoo never had actually officially called him out to talk, it was always by coincidence or, rather, Hyunwoo was always there every morning. Never that he ever needed to use the visiting room, they were always either talking at the counter or the garden, in the open where the nurses - Jooheon- especially could see them interact.

 

 

 

Hyunwoo had always been considerate when it comes to his feelings.

 

 

_Had he ever been towards him?_

 

 

 

The visiting room was often used when family members or social workers or lawyers that come to see the omegas in the shelter- especially when they had something private to talk about. The last time he saw Minhyuk went in there was to talk to his father, who apparently visited every one a month, persistent in getting him to marry an alpha of his choice.

 

 

 

And when Minhyuk came out that day -

 

 

 

_Fuck off._

 

 

 

“Hyungwon,” he gave the taller omega a shake, who didn’t show any signs of waking up, “lend me your sweater.”

 

 

 

He took Hyungwon’s groaning as a yes and went to grab the oversized clothing on the dresser- Minhyuk was more of his size, though taller, Hyungwon’s clothes would be the first ones he’d borrow if he needed to. He loved how comfy they were. 

 

 

  
The colour was perfect, mossy green, like the walls, with only the tip of his fingers appearing at the end of the sleeves. He didn’t look at himself on the mirror, he felt like he didn't need to. Looking in the mirror would only confirmed his reasons for self loathing. With millions of scenarios running through his head of what might happen once he entered the visiting room, he shook them off with single slap to the face, telling himself - _stop being a chicken_ \- he walked out of his his room biting his lips. 

 

 

 

  
Hyunwoo was where he’d always be, at the counter of the entrance.

 

 

 

 

Kihyun could see how the frown dissipated from his face as he, in a sort of panic, stood up frantically from the stool. A wide toothy smile appeared on his face, showing off his fangs that Kihyun found somewhat adorable for an alpha of his built. His eyes disappearing as the smile grew larger with every step Kihyun took and the omega could feel his face burning, his ears hiding behind his hair must've looked like beets.

 

 

 

 

"Over here," Min Soo called and Kihyun was forced to look away, feeling a little dumbfounded.

 

 

 

 

There was a tug on his wrist and looking down he saw Min Soo giving him a little pull, his feet moving automatically and Hyunwoo was lost from his view when they moved away from the main hall. 

 

 

 

 

"He said he was from your orphanage," Min Soo said, not once turning back to see how perplexed Kihyun looked.

 

 

 

 

They were approaching a room with a glass door, several nurses were seen at the nearby counter. He had never been to this part of the shelter though it wasn't very far from the main hall. The room where he usually meets up with his counselor was always on the other side, near the activities hall. As they came nearer, the nurses whom Kihyun couldn't remember their names gave him a  warm smile, their heads nodding a little and Kihyun replied to them with a curt bow, his wrist was still being held by Min Soo. They were walking and the nurse was explaining how the room had cameras, so he need not worry. 

 

 

 

He must've read Kihyun's face. 

 

 

 

 

Kihyun could see the back of the figure that was waiting from him through the glass; his shoulders small underneath a huge coat that ended by his knees. He couldn't make out as to who it was and where he had seen him before. 

 

 

 

 

 

When the door opened the scent the man emitted made his stomach twist violently, the colour from his face draining. 

 

 

 

He could've swore he could faint right there and then. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry if this is shit, i have a severe case of writer's block and my work schedule wasn't helping. 
> 
>  
> 
> on the brighter note, I have adopted Astro as my children. Kihyun and I will take care of them well. x


	21. “Ah, shit.”

“Ah, shit.”

 

 

He raised a brow when Jooheon suddenly stood up after looking at his phone.

 

 

“I need to be in a meeting!”

 

 

 

Hyunwoo began picking up his bag and putting on his cap again,” ah, it’s alright then, just- just text me how you want the flowers arranged-“

 

 

 

  
“No, no,” Jooheon gently sat Hyunwoo back down with his hands on his shoulders, “- hang around for a second- I’ll be back soon. I’m already half an hour late. Besides, Hoseok won’t mind if you say that I needed your help with some bouquets for my mum right?”

 

 

 

  
Shrugging, Hyunwoo seemed to give into Jooheon, like he always do- there was something about those puppy eyes and dimples that the alpha couldn’t actually say no. It didn’t help much that Jooheon has a cutesy charm card he used whenever he wanted something.

 

 

 

So he sat back down, placing his cap on the counter again and fiddled with his phone. Jooheon had grabbed his coat and hurriedly left the building, promising he’d be back soon.

 

 

 

 

From time to time Hyunwoo’s eyes would dart towards where Kihyun would usually appear, hoping he would catch the omega because two weeks not seeing him was _really_ \- to make it simple, his alpha yearned even just to get a little whiff of Kihyun’s scent .

 

 

 

 

He felt like he was going crazy.

 

 

 

A chill from the outside caused him to shiver when the main doors were suddenly opened. 

 

 

 

A small male came into the shelter and stood next to him. From his scent, Shownu could tell how he must’ve at least be an omega. His insignificance however, didn’t catch Hyunwoo’s attention at all, in fact, he could pass the man off as any other omega that walked by the street.

 

 

  
Hyunwoo’s eyes were trained on the game on his phone that is, until the omega mentioned Kihyun’s name.

 

 

 

  
“I heard- there’s a Yoo Kihyun here?” The unnamed man said, taking off the muffler he had on and his beanie too, revealing straight almond coloured hair with lilac highlights at the ends. His eyes were piercing green and his cheeks were pink from the cold. He had a mole underneath his right eye.

 

 

 

  
“May I know who is asking?” Min Soo asked the man, he was relieving Jooheon while the senior nurse attended the meeting.

 

 

 

  
“I’m Dawoo,” the omega said, flipping his hair back, “his friend from the same orphanage, the hospital said that they sent him here.”

 

 

 

  
 _Dawoo_.

 

 

 

 

  
It was _pretty_ , the name, it fit the pretty omega well. He smiled at Hyunwoo when their eyes met and the alpha could see a piercing on his left eyebrow.

 

 

 

  
He didn’t know why he found it surprising that he had to mentally slap himself. Of course Kihyun would have _friends_. Of course there would be other people Kihyun would know and they would know Kihyun more than he did and it made him feel a little jealous.

 

 

 

 

He became more of a green monster when Min Soo allowed the omega in because he looked harmless, telling him that they could meet in the visiting room and that he should wait there while Min Soo wakes Kihyun up.

 

 

 

 

 

It would’ve been so easy if he was any being lesser than an alpha.

 

 

 

 

  
He shook the thought away, eyes following Dawoo as he went inside until he finally disappeared from his view.

 

 

 

 

 

  
Maybe once Dawoo was out again they could talk a little and maybe he could find out more of Kihyun before bad things happened even though he would much rather have Kihyun talk to him.

 

 

 

 

 

  
_He could listen to Kihyun all day._

 

 

 

 

He couldn’t picture a more perfect day than to have him and Kihyun sit in the garden while Kihyun talk about everything, anything at all.

 

 

 

 

His thoughts must’ve summoned Kihyun because moments later Kihyun was out right in front of him and he must’ve looked like an idiot nearly falling off the stool he was sitting on to stand. Or maybe it was Min Soo who woke Kihyun up because he had a visitor, either way, Kihyun was in front of him and he let out the most foolish love sick grin anyone could ever had on.

 

 

 

His heart swells at the sight of the omega and he had never wanted to hug someone so badly. _Quick_ , he thought, say something but not anything stupid. 

 

 

_Hurry!_

 

 

 

Before-

 

 

 

Suddenly Min Soo was pulling Kihyun away and his heart was protesting because no- please no- 

 

 

 

 _Damn_ , he irritatingly scratched his head. He must’ve looked stupid because some of th shelter occupants were frowning as they saw him. 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo at least needed to apologise for what he did.

 

 

 

 

He sat back down, probably Kihyun would pass him again when he was done meeting his friend.

 

 

 

  
He resumed the game he was initially playing with his mind barely focusing on it at all, it showed by how he couldn’t survive more than five seconds before loosing. He didn’t mind Jooheon taking longer that he should.

 

 

 

 

Infact, he wished that Jooheon wouldn’t be back so soon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope from now the updates will be steady. 


	22. “Don’t you miss me?”

“Don’t you miss me?”

 

 

  
_You love me, right?_

 

 

  
“I’ve missed you.”

 

 

  
_Because I love you._

 

 

  
_Then do this, for me._

 

 

 

  
“Kihyunnie.”

 

 

 

_Stop._

 

 

 

Don’t call him that, he wanted to say but his throat was dry and his voice seemed to have gotten caught.

 

 

 

  
“You don’t look so happy to see me.”

 

 

 

 

  
He had forgotten how to feel that way. It did- _once_ but now, his knees felt weak- he wanted to run but any movement would only cause him to collapse. His stomach was sinking and his heart, _God_ , he could only hear them beating so fast, it might tear open his rib cage.

 

 

 

“Kihyun?” There was a soft touch on his hand. Min Soo was lightly rubbing his palm with his thumb, “you alright?”

 

 

 

 

  
“He’s fine.”

 

 

 

 

  
Dawoo took a step closer and engulfed Kihyun in a hug, unexpectedly. The other omega wasn’t much taller and his figure wasn’t any bigger, and maybe Kihyun was just _that_ small after loosing so much weight, it looked like Dawoo was swallowing him.

 

 

 

  
It used to feel so comfortable in his arms- so _safe_ -

 

 

 

  
_I’m Dawoo. What’s your name?_

 

 

 

 

“No,” he whimpered, pushing back with his might but he couldn’t - he has always been weak for Dawoo, “no.”

 

 

 

 

“Let’s get out of here,yeah?” He felt warm breath on his ear as Dawoo whispered those words, his hands caressing the back of Kihyun’s head, it felt like last time bt something was definitely off, “just you and me.”

 

 

 

Something was missing. 

 

 

 

 

_I don’t want to- please!_

 

 

 

“No-“

 

 

 

_Dawoo, please!_

 

 

 

  
There was like someone grasping his throat, giving it a squeeze, not tight enough to suffocate him, but enough to make him feel discomfort, anxious, _it was getting hard to breathe-_

 

_Save me!_

 

_Dawoo?_

 

 

 

“Why?”

 

 

 

Dawoo had pulled back, his hands on his shoulders. He looked older like time had taken his youth and maybe it wasn't time. Ah, Kihyun used to love that mole underneath his eyes, it made him look sweet. The last time they saw each other Dawoo had jet black hair and the piercing of his eyebrow were red crystals. Back then, he held Dawoo's hands tight. 

 

 

 

Kihyun didn’t want to let go.

 

 

 

  
He was afraid if he did, Dawoo would leave him like his parents did.

 

 

 

 

But that was _back then_ , back when he was _madly_ in love, when he thought he needed no one but Dawoo. Dawoo who saved him from the guards of the orphanage that tried to defile him. Dawoo who was also an omega but was loud and confident, he wasn’t afraid to punch an alpha till he has his nose broken. Pheromones are nothing to him. He was _the_ Dawoo- who protected him until he had to leave the place because he was getting too old to stay.

 

 

 

He promised to return but never did, Kihyun had to go look for him, afraid he was dead in a ditch.

 

 

 

  
The Dawoo he met later on was different, after searching for him high and low.

 

 

 

  
Kihyun thought he was the same boy, the same omega he fell inlove with because he gave Kihyun the same looks, the same whispers and the same touches. And maybe he was too madly inlove, too happy to see him again that he ignored the signs. The nights Dawoo went out coming home in the mornings. The empty bottles of drinks left discarded in their rented apartment’s kitchen, the bags of powders and pills Kihyun found in Dawoo’s bag.

 

 

 

 

The black eye he gotten from having voicing out his worries that his lover was a little different-

 

 

 

 

He loved him too much.

 

 

 

 

It was a winter day when Kihyun couldn’t find his suppresants, and his heat came.

 

 

 

 

Dawoo was there to help him, like he always do but-

 

 

 

 

But why were there five other guys with him?

 

 

 

  
_Why?_

 

 

 

  
_Please stop-!_

 

_Pull out, please!_

 

 

 

 

  
“Why,” Kihyun chocked out, hands trembling, chest heaving- Min Soo got in between them. The world surrounding him was blurring out and he could only focus on the omega in front of him.

 

 

 

 

  
“Why, sweetheart?”

 

 

 

  
_Don’t- don’t call him that._

 

 

 

 

Don't call him that with that tone of voice, don't even look at him like that- because, he knew- Dawoo didn't mean any of it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Why did you let them have me?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aye. 
> 
>  
> 
> Did you guys guess it already? damn I'm too obvious.


	23. “Hey! Hey, stop!”

“Hey! Hey, stop!”

 

 

 

The body he was chasing halted. It turned around rapidly, it’s chest puffed out like someone ready for a fight.

 

 

 

“What happened in there?” Hyunwoo asked, breathless from having to run after the omega.

 

 

 

“ _Excuse me?_ ” Dawoo cocked a brow, tilting his head a little- for a small omega he wasn’t submissive, “- the fuck are you?”

 

 

 

Hyunwoo wanted to retort in the same manner as the omega, probably he would want to hold Dawoo by the colar of his shirt and pinned him to the wall, fangs appearing and _threatening_ \- asking, _what did you do to make Kihyun cry like that?_

 

 

 

  
But he was polite, Hoseok always said he was too polite in dire times. Hyunwoo would let a few people cut his queue without saying anything.

 

 

 

  
“I’m Kihyun’s concerned friend.”

 

 

 

  
Dawoo scoffed, “alphas don’t make friends with omegas. All they think about is fucking us- breeding us.”

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo clenched his teeth and fists, he tried to make his expression calm, he was hoping he wasn't showing to much, “I’m sorry on behalf of the alpha who made you think that way.”

 

 

 

 

“I don’t want your apology,” Dawoo narrowed his eyes towards the man so much taller than him, “there is nothing you can say to make me change my mind about you fucking alphas.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Well, my concern is not about you,” Hyunwoo unclench his fists, he needed to remain calm, his nerves were getting picked on, one by one, “I only care about Kihyun.”

 

 

 

 

Crossing his arms, Dawoo let out a dry laugh. His bitterness was shown through the way he glared at Hyunwoo, his eyes, though the colour of the deep ocean, _pretty_ , it reflected nothing - like he had been dead inside and that he died a long time ago. A part of Hyunwoo pitied him, but his demeanor was making it hard for Hyunwoo to actually do.

 

 

 

 

“Do you like him?”

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo’s face heat up, he had to bite on his lips. He wished he had his cap on at the moment, it will help a lot in hiding his face, too bad he had left it back at the shelter- after he saw Kihyun being held by Minsoo and a few other nurses as he wailed and vomited _and_ \- the urge to jump over the counter and comfort the being was a strong one but he couldn’t, they would shoot him down if he did, so he opted to chase after the omega that was hurriedly leaving the shelter, knowing he’d have something to do with why Kihyun looked so devastated.

 

 

 

 

“Let me tell you something about lovely Yoo Kihyun.”

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo swallowed, his throat dry. If Dawoo looked horridly cocky before, he looked like an omega who owned the world.

 

 

 

  
“I fucked him,” The corner of his mouth curving, ”and probably a few other guys did to. _Hm_ , maybe more than ten? He makes the sweetest sounds in bed.”

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo bit on his tongue. He knew bad things happened to Kihyun but to hear it from someone like _Dawoo_ \- who was saying it with a proud smile-

 

 

 

  
“Most of the guys- they are _my_ clients,” Dawoo laughed, it was as bitter as a bitter gourd, “I let them fuck my boyfriend because apparently, me alone wasn't making enough money, and I realized, they loved it when Kihyun fight back- you know, fulfilling their stupid rape fantasy- “

 

 

 

_You shouldn't-_

 

 

 

 

_Not someone like me-_

 

 

 

 

Growling, Hyunwoo only realised he had punched the omega on the face after feeling how his fist stung and Dawoo was already on the ground. But instead of crying or cowering, Dawoo spit the blood from his mouth and wiped it with the sleeve of his coat looking like someone who had been physically hurt on a regular basis. 

 

 

 

 

"How dare you-," Hyunwoo seethed, ready to give it another go. He didn't care if it was an omega he had just assaulted- this being in front of him deserved it, "he trusted you."

 

 

 

 

Standing up, Dawoo placed his hands in his pocket, licking off the blood that seeped out of his busted lip. Hyunwoo wanted to wipe that smirk on his face-

 

 

 

 

"well now, " Dawoo said, chin up high, like he had won, "I broke his trust for _everyone_. Especially, stupid alphas."

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IS ANYONE ELSE EVEN ALIVE AFTER THAT MV???? BECAUSE I DIED AND MY KIHO HEART JUST-
> 
>  
> 
> anyways :))) this part of the story is coming to an end; but no worries- there will be a second part that focus more on SHOWKI's relationship.


	24. “Today, they are white.”

“Today, they are white.”

 

 

  
There was a cold tingle on his hand, where they had cannulated a vein and now, there was water going into him, without him drinking. And he can’t- that’s why they needed it there.

 

 

 

The flowers Hyungwon held were white roses, he brought them close to his face and with the hand in which there was anything attached, he extended to touch them, rubbing the soft petals with his thumb. Closing his eyes, he took an inhale of the scent the roses emitted- fragrant and- _Hyunwoo_.

 

 

“Do you want to try eating today?” Minhyuk asked from above him, his head was on Minhyuk’s lap. Of course, Minhyuk would choose to sit on his bed, refusing anything less. 

 

 

Kihyun shook his head- _no_ \- he doesn’t want to try today. He tried yesterday and it resulted in him vomiting for almost an hour, his vomit began to turn really dark brown- like coffee. It panicked them for a while- especially Minhyuk- but they had a doctor over and said it was probably just Mallory Weis tear, a tear in his oesophagus from persistent vomiting.

 

 

  
Severely dehydrated the doctor said- and the water kept on coming, he couldn’t keep track how many pints already they’ve infused but i helped him to atleast able to open his eyes now. That’s how he ended up in the infirmary wing of the shelter, monitors were earlier attached to him but then he pulled them off because the noises were getting to him.

 

 

 

  
_It sounded too familiar to when-_

 

 

  
_Get it out of me!_

 

 

  
His lack of apetitte and his body’s refusal for food however, they had their resident counsellor talk to him.

 

 

 

  
“The drip won’t be enough, you know,” Hyungwon said next, leaving the roses by Kihyun’s bedside for him to hold, referring to the water they were infusing in him. Hyungwon walked over to the pot of tea, pouring some into a cup.

 

 

 

“I’m tired,” Kihyun finally exasperated out, like breathing alone was hard for him. He kept the flowers to his nose- _Hyunwoo_.

 

 

 

There was a knock on the door and Jooheon had walked in, looking up, Kihyun could see the way Minhyuk’s face light up with the nurse’s entrance. It was his favourite look on Minhyuk, besides seeing the boy irritated as he teased him persistently- that is his second favourite.

 

 

  
“Kihyunnie,” Joohen checked the drip hanging from the drip stand and placed a hand to caress his hair. Minhyuk took Jooheon’s hand, giving it a kiss with an exaggerated — _MWAH_.

 

 

 

  
“They think it’s best to keep you at the hospital.”

 

 

 

 

The hospital, he closed his eyes, breathing the scent- _Hyunwoo_ \- the pivileges at the medical facility wouldn’t be like the shelter. Here, he had a little bit of freedom- there, however- 

 

 

 

  
“What?” Minhyuk’s brows shoot up, “For how long?”

 

 

 

  
Jooheon shook his head, “until - he’s fit to care for himself.”

 

 

 

  
“I think Kihyun is better off with us here, “Hyungwon crossed his arms , “the hospital will make it worst.”

 

 

 

 

“We don’t have doctors here to keep an eye on him,” Jooheon had his hands on his hips, “It’s not just his ptsd we’re worried about. “

 

 

 

  
Minhyuk and Hyungwon had nothing to retort. The both of them had returned to the hospital at one point of their stay and they spoke to Kihyun of how lonely it was- how scary it was - how full of _uncertainty_ \- especially the psychiatric department. Them voicing out their concern was only because they were worried- Kihyun might not return.

 

 

 

  
Lifting his head up, he came to realisation watching his friends’ expressions - Minhyuk looked like he wanted to cry and Hyungwon like he wanted to come along to the hospital. Jooheon, a professional as ever, kept a straight face but gave his hand a tight squeeze- he didn’t feel it when Jooheon had touched him, and maybe, that was a warning sign.

 

 

 

  
“I’ll be fine,” he finally spoke and all heads turned to him, “you guys have so little faith in me.”

 

 

 

The others kept quiet and watched as Kihyun began fiddling with the petals of the roses.

 

 

 

“I-,” he spoke again, his tongue darting out momentarily, his lips were so dry, “I’ve never felt so cared since-“

 

 

 

_I love you, Kihyun, do you love me?_

 

_Do this for me._

 

 

 

  
“And I- I really want to feel better.”

 

 

 

 

It came out like a whisper, his jaw shaking as he said it because he felt a sudden urge to cry - ,” I’m tired of feeling like this.”

 

 

 

Minhyuk engulfed him in a hug.

 

 

 

“I want- to hang out with you guys on the outside- at a cafe? Maybe? Is that weird?”

 

 

  
“I want to push you into a pool, or a lake,” Minhyuk joked and he snorted, causing a snot bubble to pop from his nose. Hyungwon took a pillow from the nearby bed and threw it at the two omegas, making gagging sounds.

 

 

 

“You sap.”

 

 

 

“I really want to see Hyunwoo.”

 

 

 

The whole room went quiet again. Jooheon had walked over to the bed and he ran his hand through Minhyuk’s hair, Kihyun could almost hear him purr. Hyungwon took a sip of the tea, swallowing it.

 

 

 

 

“I’ve been thinking, “ Kihyun said again, the flowers were on his chest and he laced his fingers together, placing his hands on his stomach, “maybe it’s true- my omega wanted him- I shouldn’t be so afraid, right?”

 

 

 

“It’s all up to you, Kihyun, its your choice,” Jooheon said smiling down fondly, “there’s no need to force yourself.”

 

 

 

  
“I’m not.”

 

 

 

  
There was a gush of wind and the curtains of the opened window blew lightly.

 

 

 

  
“I just- I just want to talk to him before I go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry i havent replied to comments! I will soon!!


	25. "Do you remember what I said?"

_“Do you remember what I said?”_

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo didn’t expect that he’d finally be able to sit next to Kihyun again.

 

 

 

 

  
He thought that they had taken Kihyun away, but Jooheon said Kihyun was kept in the infamary - _why_ , Jooheon didn’t say but that was enough for him to keep bringing flowers to the shelter everyday, knowing Kihyun was still there; knowing that Kihyun was still within reach.

 

 

 

  
It was only when he saw Kihyun that morning he understood why they had kept him away.

 

 

 

  
The omega looked like he had the life sucked out of him, his cheeks were hollow, his lips were cracked and he moved with such lethargy, and intravenous line attached to right hand where liquid was flowing in and they had to bring it over beside him as they agreed to talk in the garden.

 

 

 

Dawoo had such effect on Kihyun that it made Hyunwoo feel like he neededto have a longer talk with him and maybe throw a few more punches- who knows what will happen if he saw him again.

 

 

 

 

  
“Im sorry I looked terrible,” was the first thing Kihyun said, running his hand through his hair, and Hyunwoo wanted to refute with all his might.

 

 

 

  
“ _Never,”_ he said, gulping.

 

 

 

 

It was only the truth and he didn't mind being called biased. 

 

 

 

 

On Kihyun’s lap were the pink roses he brought over today; Hyunwoo had never felt such enlightment seeing how those petite fingers play with the petals. If he could, he’d shower the boy everyday with different coloured roses’ petals, just to see Kihyun smile again.

 

 

 

   
“I guess I never actually told you anything much about me.”

 

 

 

 

“You don't have to,” Hyunwoo laced his fingers together, leaning in front so he could have a good look of Kihyun’s face- _such a pretty profile_ , he thought, “You don’t owe me anything, Kihyun.”

 

 

 

 

  
“I do-,” Kihyun looked at him, “you deserve a lot better. You had been nothing but an angel to me and I-, " he looked away, "- you at least deserve to know.”

 

 

 

 

A short silence ensued, Kihyun was gripping the drip stand hard now, his knuckles were turning white.

 

 

 

 

  
“When I was thirteen- I found my mum hanging in the shower,” Kihyun closed his eyes and Hyunwoo wondered whether the image was still crystal clear in his head. How many times did Kihyun fell asleep at night with that image in his head? Did he even manage to because Hyunwoo couldn't- he could never. "she didn't even say goodbye, there was just a short hand written letter about how sorry she was."

 

 

 

 

The whole time Kihyun talked of his family - how his father wasn’t home often after his mother’s demise and how he survived with the money his father would leave on the table until they stopped coming, he was sent to the orphanage by his neighbours because of how worried they were that a kid omega was living on his own, Kihyun’s face remained stoic with his voice monotonous.

 

 

 

 

He looked like he had cried enough tears for his parents that he couldn’t any more.

 

 

 

 

  
“My first month in the orphanage, I had my first heat.”

 

 

 

 

  
Hyunwoo could only imagine someone being so young with no guidance having to deal with such big of a change alone. When he had his rut, he had his parents, and even Hoseok, they were there to help him, guide him while his mind slowly went insane from such intense sensations.

 

 

 

 

“Excusing myself to the restroom was probably my biggest mistake," there were fine tremors on Kihyun's hands as he spoke, "No one could hear me scream when the guards came- but _Dawoo_ did.”

 

 

 

 

  
At _his_ name, Hyunwoo gritted his teeth. He could still feel the punch he threw on his knuckles and wished he had did more.

 

 

 

 

“He was skipping class and he- he heard me. He saved me.”

 

 

 

 

 

  
_I got to fuck him first by the way._

 

 

 

 

_Kihyun made some sweet noises in bed._

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo let out an irritated huff from his nose. _Ah_ , he wished he could cut the tongue from Dawoo’s mouth.

 

 

 

 

 

  
“He was an omega but he, he showed me a lot of things. He showed me how to live, how to love- how I don’t need an alpha to feel complete.”

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo ran his hands through his hair before holding them together again, “You love him.”

 

 

 

 

  
“I more than loved him- I _needed_ him. And at one point I felt the feeling is mutual.”

 

 

 

 

  
_What was it like be someone loved by Kihyun-_

 

 

 

  
“I believed his words when he said that it will always be just the two of us against the world. Those words- I left the orphanage early just to go after him,” the corner of Kihyun’s lips twitched, “I was so happy when I found him.”

 

 

 

 

  
Kihyun let out an exhausted sigh, leaning back and rested his hands by his sides. The rising sun was giving the garden a warm glow and Kihyun’s pearly skin illuminated as the light landed on him. A tear drop flickered as it rolled down his cheek.

 

 

 

“I loved him too much to see that he wasn’t my Dawoo anymore.”

 

 

 

  
Hyunwoo bit his lips hard, he only realised it after he tasted blood in his mouth.

 

 

 

  
“He snapped often- it was only more terrible if I ever asked him about- about _money_. I should’ve gotten out of the house when he hit me the first time honestly-“ Kihyun let out a short dry laugh, “ he made it feel okay again when he held me after- saying he was sorry and I guess looking into his eyes, I still see that Dawoo I fell inlove with and hoped he’d come back soon.”

 

 

 

 

“He never did, didn’t he?”

 

 

 

 

The omega shook his head, using his sleeve he wiped more tears as it began to shed, his jaw trembling.

 

 

 

  
“He sold me. When I had my heat- to his customers,” Kihyun’s voice was breaking, “do you know how it felt? Finding out that he was the one who hid my suppressants because apparently an omega in heat is highly desirable and expensive.”

 

 

 

 

_I let them fuck my boyfriend._

 

 

 

  
“It wasn’t just one time- it wasn’t just one person-“

 

 

 

 

_I broke his trust for everyone._

 

 

 

 

"After he had gotten the money from them - he'd hold me- told me I did good and that- it would all be over soon- we will be together- just the two of us again."

 

 

From a far, Hyunwoo could see Jooheon watching them, arms crossed in front of him and he was biting his fingers- the nurse looked like he wanted to pull Kihyun away but if it wasn't for Minhyuk who was placing his chin on the beta's shoulder, he would have marched over and call this off. 

 

 

 

 

"I wasn't feeling very well one day- I was hospitalized and they told me I was having really bad morning sickness."

 

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo's eyes went back to Kihyun, who was now rubbing at his flat belly.

 

 

 

 

 

He wanted to grab those hands away.

 

 

 

 

 

"I found out I was pregnant- I didn't even know who it belonged to- but I knew- it could never be _Dawoo's_ -" Kihyun's fingers began to dig at his stomach, " I hated it-"

 

 

 

 

 

"Kihyun," Hyunwoo called out lightly, biting at his lips and dear God, he wanted to pull the omega into a hug, "please-"

 

 

 

 

 

"I couldn't- I couldn't except that there was something inside me- I couldn't- I was so scared-" 

 

 

 

 

Jooheon and Minhyuk were fighting now, Hyunwoo bet it was because the nurse wanting to bring Kihyun inside now and Mihyuk disagreeing.

 

 

 

 

"I killed it," Kihyun faced him, finally and Hyunwoo could see the emotions etched on that tear stained face - _betrayed, hurt, terrified_ \- "I killed it, Hyunwoo, I grabbed anything I could- and I tried to pull it out of me-"

 

 

 

 

 

- _guilt._

 

 

 

 

"I was just _so scared_."

 

 

 

 

_Help me._

 

 

 

 

His eyes darted down to the hands that were holding Kihyun's stomach - it was empty, his womb, he wanted to say, to soothe the omega out but what words could he have said to make him feel better? Will it even do? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He let his tongue out to moisten his dry lips then gulping again, his throat was dry as well. 

 

 

 

 

 

"Kihyunnie, " he started softly - _you don't have to be scared anymore because_ -, "may I please- please, hold your hand?"

 

 

 

 

 

It was subtle; how Kihyun's eyes went a little wider than usual, how his breath hitched and how he blinked slowly because the time used had collected enough tears for it to shed gracefully, rolling down the perfect cheeks. Hyunwoo wanted to kiss those tears away and he didn't expect or Kihyun to take his extended hand at all, but still, he kept it there- to let the omega know that it will _always_ be there. 

 

 

 

 

 

So it only caught him off guard when he felt soft supple skin against his own. 

 

 

 

 

 

Kihyun was holding on to his finger, he was trembling and Hyunwoo let his hand move slowly so he could hold onto his hand, emitting a small whimper from the tiny omega but he didn't- Kihyun didn't pull away and that was enough for Hyunwoo to know that Kihyun wanted it too. So, he savoured every little detail of the smaller hand that was fitting so perfectly against his, the fine lines and the texture, he loves it. 

 

 

 

 

"If you're telling me all of this- so that I'd run away," Hyunwoo coughed a little, his words got caught up in his throat, " you're _wrong._ "

 

 

 

 

Kihyun's face crumpled, and he used his free hand to hide behind it.

 

 

 

 

"Thank you for telling me this, "Hyunwoo spoke again, his tongue had darted out pretty often and it wasn't the dry cold weather that made him feel like he should've put some sort of butter on his lips, "-but I'm _not_ going anywhere."

 

 

 

 

The scent Kihyun was letting out, it was like he was having a tug of war with himself- his hands, they tremble as he fought his demons. His mind telling him to runaway but it was obvious how he didn't want it to and Hyunwoo wanted to kiss him, to tell him that it was okay and to thank him-

 

 

 

 

 

"Do you remember what I said?"

 

 

 

 

 

The alpha brushed a thumb over Kihyun's cheek, pushing a stray tear away and the omega flinched, then shook his head - _what?_

 

 

 

 

"I told you that I'd wait for you, didn't I?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay first off, here's what happened.   
> I wrote 4 different versions of this and the last one I kinda liked it and I was writing plus editing on my phone but THEN BAM - MONSTA X COMEBACK.   
> it went downhill from there.  
> My mind was shit shit shit shit- I closed the tab so fast - I only realised I haven't saved this chapter until the end of the comeback show.   
> *CRIES*  
> my baby Kihyun where the hell does he learn to be all sexy and shit fuck- all of them are literally like GAH (yes, the comeback has resorted me to using incoherent words to communicate)
> 
>  
> 
> hence the reason for the delay plus work plus me probably streaming jealousy and taking it all the damn fine beautiful magnificent details plus listening intently to the connect plus etc
> 
>  
> 
> SO I DEEPLY APOLOGIZE FOR A SHITTY LONG AWAITED ENDING of this part of the story.
> 
>  
> 
> my dilemma now is either - write the HYUNGWONHO and JOOHYUK version OR continue the SHOWKI saga. hm
> 
>  
> 
> ANYWAYS thank you all for keeping up with me, the kudos the comments I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH


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